Page 5 of I Wanna Text You Up

“Nah. Chicks or dickswelcome.”

Delia chuckles. “That issogoing on the flyer.” She begins typing. “Wait, why aren’t we going digital with this? Putting it up on Craigslist or something? You’ll reach more potential candidates thatway.”

I shake my head. “There’s something more personal about a flyer, gives it that humantouch.”

“Yousure?”

“What? You don’t think it’ll beeffective?”

“I just find it hard to believe people pay that much attention to bulletin boardsanymore.”

“Just trust me on this. I’ll find someone, and it’ll be just the right someone. Now, let’s start withthis…”

* * *

ROOMMATEWANTED

Chicks or dickswelcome!

Looking for a new roomie? I have a place for you! Like your music loud? I own headphones. Enjoy having late-night guests over? Again, headphones. ;-) Want someone to help pay the bills? Do the dishes? Take out the trash? You scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours (metaphorically, ofcourse).

Check us out, getting alongalready.

Must be able to pay first and last month’s rent upfront.

Must be okay with Breakfast &Beats.

Nodogs.

No trying to sleep withme.

Two bedrooms. Onebathroom.

$350/month pluselectricity.

If interested, email [email protected]

P.S. Dick pics sent directly to my grandmother. Don’t do that shit toher.

Two

FROM:[email protected]

TO:[email protected]

SUBJECT:I saw yourflyer…

DearBatman,

I’m going to assume, based on your email, you’d like to be addressed as Batman. I’m sort of a comic nerd, so please excuse me if I’mwrong.

Anyway, I saw your flyer on the bulletin board on campus and have a few questions before we seal thisdeal.

1. What’s wrong with the apartment? Is it the location? The condition? That’s awfully cheap for thearea.

2. You said no dogs—is that no pets or just nodogs?

3. What does the electricity bill typicallyrun?

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