Page 6 of I Wanna Text You Up

4. Do you have a move-in dateavailable?

This isn’t a question, but I wanted to say you’re welcome for not including a dickpic.

Thank you for yourtime,

Mr. EdwardNigma

* * *

FROM:[email protected]

TO:[email protected]

SUBJECT:You gotlucky

DearEdward,

I have to say that including a picture of a COCK and not a DICK…well, that one made me laugh. You earned yourreply.

1. Nothing is wrong with the apartment and it’s in a nice area. Rent is inexpensive because my parents love me and won’t let me work long hours during school. They pay a good portion of therent.

2. Dogs specifically. I’m not a fan. I’m a cat person. I only recently found out we can have pets and thought I’d include that for when you sign the lease. You know, covering my ass and allthat.

3. The electric bill typically runs about $50.

4. The apartment is available immediately, but I would like to take the time to get to know you first before you move in. Possibly two weeks from now? That’s not too much to ask,right?

Now that we got that out of the way, tell me about yourself, Edward. Make me want to have you as aroommate.

Best,

The Non-Bruciest of all BruceWaynes

* * *

FROM:[email protected]

TO:[email protected]

SUBJECT:Oh, you wantme.

Batman,

Not to sound like a walking cliché, but I’m kind of the ideal roommate. I work and have other obligations, so I don’t spend a tremendous amount of time at home. You’ll probably be on your own often. I don’t party, hardly ever have guests over, and I’m a neat freak. In fact, you’ll be so bummed I’ve moved out when it comes time for me to get a big boy job and leave you behind that you won’t know what to do withyourself.

I should also note that you’re in luck—I’m a cat person myself. He’s six months old and would love to come along to a new place with me. I’ve included a picture of him in an attempt to charmyou.

* * *

FROM:[email protected]

TO:[email protected]

SUBJECT:Still on thefence…

Edward,

Though including the picture of the cat was a good idea, I’m still on the fence. You sound too good to betrue.

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