Page 67 of I Wanna Text You Up

Me:That’s not even kind ofclose.

Me:What’s goingon?

Caleb:Just some things I need to deal with. I should be home Tuesday night after studygroup.

Me:Tuesday?!Ughhhhhhh.

Caleb:I know, I know. Trust me, if I didn’t HAVE to be here, I wouldn’t. I hate thisplace.

Me:Thatbad?

Caleb:That FUCKINGbad.

Me:Oh wow, you threw a cuss word in there. Okay, I believe younow.

Me:Don’t worry, I’ll take care of Mittens. He’s going to fall even more in love with me though. Fairwarning.

Caleb:Sigh. I figured as much. I might as well just sign over his adoption papersnow.

Me:Nah. We can share him. I’m nice likethat.

* * *

Me:I did athing…

Me:DOWNLOADATTACHMENT

Caleb:You…you…

Caleb:YOU PUT A PINK AND PURPLE UNICORN SWEATER ON MYKITTEN?

Me:What? He LOVESit!

Caleb:I can see his disappointment fromhere.

Me:Nah, he’s just mad right now because I won’t let him push my pop off thetable.

Caleb:Oh god. He loves doing that—and sitting on your laptop. Don’t let him do thateither.

Me:I’ve noticed he’s keen onthat.

Caleb:This one time, I had my laptop balancing on the end of my bed. Shorts were down to my knees, dick in my hand, porn playing, and he comes and sits RIGHT ON TOP OF MY KEYBOARD. The sound kicks on and all you can hear is LOUD AS FUCK moaning. My roommates gave me shit fordays.

Me:First, I was not expecting a story about you jerking off to porn. Second, I think I love Mittens even more now. YOU DO NOT WATCH PORN AND SPANK YOUR MEAT WITH PEOPLE IN THE HOUSE. The fuck is wrong withyou?

Caleb:When you get the urge, you get the urge. Don’t judgeme.

Me:I’m not judging you…much.

Me:You’re right. When there’s an itch, you gotta scratchit.

Me:JUST NOT WHEN OTHER PEOPLE ARE HOME!GOSH!

Caleb:That tone…that wasjudgmental.

Me:You could hear my tone through text? Do you have a superpower I don’t know about? Is that why you’re so obsessed with comics? Because you have yourown?

Me:Also…I’m not judging, I’m just not NOT judging youeither. ;-)

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