Page 87 of I Wanna Text You Up

Caleb:Are they cool with you living with adude?

Me:YOU’RE AGUY?!

Me:Yes, you loser. They trust me, but my dad did threaten to cut your nuts off if you tried to “get fresh” withme.

Caleb:He said that? Getfresh?

Me:I love that it’s THAT part you focus on and not the potential harm to yournuts.

Caleb:Only because I know they’re safe. I’m not that kind ofguy.

Me:Fairpoint.

Me:So, youin?

Caleb:I’ll have to put in the time off ofwork…

Me:Don’t forget to mention you’re not above pimping yourselfout.

Caleb:YOU’RE not above pimping me out. Iam.

Me:Semantics.

* * *

Me:I’m tired. Help me stayawake.

Caleb:DOWNLOADATTACHMENT

Me:Wow, a picture of our living room. Howneat.

Caleb:Lookcloser.

Me:Omg. Dying. Why is he hiding under thecouch?

Caleb:Because I sat on the remote and accidentally turned the volume up REALLY high during a loud scene and he just took off scared as shit. Now he won’t comeout.

Me:Aww…I feel so bad forhim.

Caleb:DOWNLOADATTACHMENT

Caleb:Did I mention he was sitting on my stomach when ithappened?

Me:That’s a tiny scratch. You just wanted to send me a picture of yourabs.

Caleb:Guilty.

Caleb:Aren’t you supposed to be working rightnow?

Me:I am…kind of. We’re dead tonight, so I’m bored. That’s what happens when it’s a slow movie release week—no one here wanting to dine andwatch.

Me:I wish they’d just cut mealready.

Caleb:That’d be nice. Then you could come tend to mywound.

Me:There’s a box of Disney Princess Band-Aids in my bathroom in the medicine cabinet. #nurseout

Caleb:Your bedside manner needs a lot ofwork.

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