Page 19 of If You Say So

We kissed for the first time shortly after.

But, as we stand here this time, we have much more to lose than gain from this fight.Ihave more to lose because webothknow this whole mess isn’t just on his shoulders, and we both know it’s going to be hard to get back on solid ground and trust each other again…if we ever can.

“Nothing,” Nate mutters, his eyes full of heat and hurt. “It’s nothing. I’ll leave you two to yourdate.”

The last word he speaks is full of venom as he stalks from the room before either of us start spewing words we can’t take back. I glare at him, but he stares right past me as he makes his way out of the kitchen, leaving me alone with my guest.

It takes a moment, but I finally shake off the whole ordeal and grab a seat at the kitchen table next to Mateo. I flip open my notebook and find the last page I took notes on then open my overly priced textbook to the correct page.

“You good with starting here?” I ask, pushing the book his way and pointing to a section on the page.

He doesn’t move, doesn’t speak.

I can see his eyes chasing the words over the paper, but I know he’s not actually reading anything. He’s thinking, processing.

It feels like hours pass before he opens his mouth.

“Are we really not going to talk about that?”

I know he’s talking about Nate and what just happened between us—the anger, the annoyance, the air getting sucked from the room.

I expel a heavy sigh. “I’d rather not,” I tell him honestly. “It’s kind of a tough subject for me.”

“I didn’t know you two are together.”

“We’re not.”

“Fine,weretogether.”

“It was a long time ago.”

“It was three months ago, Blake. That isn’t very long for two people who have known one another for years and date for two.”

“It feels like it was a long time ago,” I murmur.

That’s the truth, too. It feels like it’s been ages since I woke up to a warm bed, years since I felt something other than this unrelenting sting in my chest every time I take a breath.

“But in reality, it’s not. I’m not sure I’m okay with that either, especially since you two still live together. That cannot be a healthy environment for exes, not when there are obviously so many unresolved issues between them.”

“What?”

He lifts his head and meets my questioning stare. “Don’t act like you don’t turn cold when he walks into the room, like there isn’t this air of grievance hanging around you two. There’s still something there that needs worked out.”

I don’t answer him because he’s not wrong…in a way.

My body still reacts to Nate, yearns for him. Hell, even my heart reaches out to him—but then the memories of him with his lips on someone else inourbed flood in, and everything turns to ice.

“That was awkward to witness, Blake, to have to sit there in the middle of what was clearly a private moment, to watch the pain wash over your faces. You’re not over him, and he clearly isn’t over you.”

Mateo reaches for his books and shoves them back into his backpack. He doesn’t do it hastily; he’s calm and deliberate with his movements. I relax back into my chair, watching him, knowing he doesn’t want me to try to stop him, so I won’t.

When everything is back in its place, he stands and swings the pack over this shoulder, hand still resting on the strap, staring down at me.

“You know I like you, Blake. I’ve never hidden that fact.” He pauses, and his familiar boyish blush makes an appearance as he shoves a hand in his pocket, looking bashful as hell. “Though I would have if I’d known you were seriously dating someone else.”

“We’re not together now. We—”

He holds his hand up. “I know, but you’re not ready, and that’s okay. I just don’t feel much like being the guy who’s there to make your ex jealous. I don’t want to be used. I don’t want to be a weapon in this cold war you two are participating in.”

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