Page 22 of If You Say So

Five

Nate

Fuck,this feels good.

Standing around laughing with my friends, with Blake. It’s been too damn long.

“All right, I’m out of here. It was great meeting you, Carsen and Elliott.” Mateo spins around and sends a sad smile Blake’s way. “I’ll see you in class, man.”

“You sure you don’t want to stay for dinner?” Elliott asks. She holds up the two bags she’s holding then nods toward the two Carsen has in his hands. “We have plenty of food.”

Please say no, please say no.

I don’t think I could stomach watching him throw googly eyes at Blake the entire evening, couldn’t stand to know he’s aware of what transpired on New Year’s.

The biggest fucking mistake of my life.

I was drunk and not thinking clearly, and completely heartbroken because my boyfriend had decided we “needed some time”, whatever the fuck that meant.

I know being drunk doesn’t excuse what I did. I knew when I walked into our bedroom with her that she wanted me. I knew it, and I led us into that situation anyway. I didn’t push her away or try to avoid her advances. I let her kiss me, and I kissed her back.

And I regret every single second of that night.

Mateo shoots one last glance Blake’s way before answering. “Nah, my roommate’s waiting for me to order some pizza. Thank you for offering, though. Maybe another time.”

“Sure, any time,” Elliott insists.

Blake walks Mateo outsides and the moment the door clicks shut behind them, Carsen spins my way with a raised brow.

“What’s that about?”

“What’s what about?”

“That. Who is he? And why is he here?”

“He’s in a couple classes with us, and Blake invited him over for a study date.”

“Study date?” Elliott says. “That was damn fast. We haven’t even been gone an hour.”

I shrug. “Guess they got bored.”

Carsen cocks his head to the side, studying me. “Bullshit. You did something.”

“I didn’tdoanything.”

“Do, said, whatever—it’s all the same. What happened?” he urges through gritted teeth.

Great.I started this evening with a cranky Blake, and now I’ve pissed off Carsen.

Elliott lays a gentle hand on his forearm, and he briefly closes his eyes before opening them again with a noticeably different temperament.

“What I meant to say was, it’s clear something happened while we were out because Mateo wasn’t here long, and I’d like to know what exactly that was.” Elliott squeezes his arm. “Please,” he adds.

A grin breaks out across my lips before I can help it. It still amazes me how far my best friend’s come in his anger management courses and therapy session. Carsen from last summer would have probably punched me by now—and we both know I’d deserve it for being a smartass little shit—but instead, with a gentle reminder from Elliott, he’s calm and collected.

I need to remember that he’s in the middle of this mess between me and Blake and take into consideration the work he’s putting in to making his life better before I spout off with sarcasm.

I also need to remember that he doesn’t know Blake broke things off that morning. In Carsen’s eyes, I’m the bad guy. No one knows about our fight before the party.

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