Page 24 of If You Say So

Six

Nate

Two and a half years ago

“I cannot believeyou’re making me climb up into this old, rickety tree house, dude. We don’t even know if it’s safe. We could fall and die, and no one would ever be the wiser.”

“Shut up and stop being a big baby. We’re going to miss the show.”

“Ugh. It happenseveryyear. What is it with you and Carsen and space shit?”

I peek my head out of the bottom of the tree house and glare at Blake. “Get. Your. Bitch ass. Up. Here.”

“Fine.” He sighs and begins climbing the worn-out rungs haphazardly nailed into the tree trunk.

Back when we were in middle school, this used to be our favorite hangout spot. We built it with our dads back before they cared about money more than us. Our parents would have to come hunt us down nightly because we refused to leave. It was our space, our sanctuary.

Now that we’re eighteen, we mostly use it for making out with chicks and the occasional meteor shower.

That’s why I dragged Blake out here tonight, to watch the show. We haven’t seen one all year, and I refuse to miss another.

Besides, I’d much rather spend the night up here than another one cooped up in my bedroom.

Almost two months ago, everything between me and Blake came to a head of sorts. There was this incident involving a girl, and then a fist fight…and then a silent promise not to date anyone else until we get this all straightened out.

Ha.Straightened—like that’ll happen.

If I didn’t already know it before, I know it now—I am officially bi. It’s not a phase, and it’s not exclusive to Blake. I’m into dudes, and I’m totally okay with that, I just don’t know where he officially stands on all of this.

Last month, we lost someone close to us, and it’s really put things in perspective for me. I have one life, one measly, simple life; I need to make it count. I need to make the time I have here mean something, need to be happy.

Blake makes me happy, and I want to know if I make him happy too.

We’ve been skating around this sexual tension for weeks now, but we’re also making progress, like two weeks ago when he stayed the night at my house and slept in the same bed as me for the first time in a long damn time. Then a few nights ago we fell asleep with our feet tangled together. We didn’t freak; we just let it happen, and yesterday, we held hands in public…sort of. It was under a blanket during movie night at Carsen’s and wewerewatching a scary flick, but still, it happened.

And it’s all made me so fucking confused. Are we together? Does he want to be together? Is he even into me or is he just confused? I have so many questions and no answers in sight.

Which leads me to tonight, where I plan to lay it all out there on the line for him. Ihaveto know what’s going on inside his head. I can’t stand this back and forth any longer.

“You are insane for making me do this,” Blake complains as he finally pulls himself up and into the tree house.

“Oh hush. You’re fine.”

“I know, but that’s not what I’m talking about here.”

See?That’smy issue: him saying things like that. Is he flirting or just being a smartass? Or am I an idiot who needs to stop reading into things?

Probably the latter.

Blake stands to his full height and brushes his hands off on his jeans. “Man am I glad we were smart enough to think ahead and build this thing tall.”

“I don’t think that was us at all, actually. I think it was just a result of having two six-foot-three guys helping us build it.”

“Yeah.” He nods. “But I’d rather not give those jackasses credit for anything.”

“I’m surprised your mom called off the divorce.”

He scoffs. “I’m not. She likes his money too much to let him go. She’d rather he sleeps his way around Boston than give up that cash flow.”

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