Page 4 of If You Say So

That’s when it happened.

I noticed his stares. He noticed mine.

I noticed the way my body would react when he entered the room, the way my heart would race with jealousy when someone else flirted with him, the way my cock would jump when he laughed or smiled. I noticed the way my stomach would grow heavy whenever he was away.

I noticed it all. He did too.

But still, we were friends and nothing more.

Until we weren’t, and everything changed.

Then it changed again on New Year’s, because I went and fucked it all up for good.

I wait outside for Carsen to get out of his last class so I can hitch a ride back to Wakefield. He’s ten minutes late—and by “late”, I mean he’s off making out with his lovely new girlfriend, Elliott, who is just a ray of sunshine and hope. She’s the kind of good you don’t let go. I envy Carsen.

A chill runs down my spine, and I know Blake’s arrived.

“He late again?” I nod, and he chuckles. He kicks at an invisible rock and stuffs his hands in his pockets. I don’t need to be looking at him to know all this. I knowhim; that’s enough. “They’re too cute to be mad at though. If two people belong together, it’s them.”

It’s us, too.

He doesn’t say anything else, and neither do I. We stand there in the hot afternoon sun and wait.

He waits for a ride. I wait for the courage to talk to him.

Finally, after what feels like an eternity, Carsen shows up with Elliott in tow.

“Boys,” she greets with that flawless smile of hers.

Carsen grins and pulls her closer, planting a kiss on her forehead.

“I call shotgun!” Elliott yells as she takes off running once we’re in range of the car. She giggles loudly as she latches onto the handle. Carsen just shakes his head and unlocks the door so she can dive in and secure her spot.

Blake sighs from behind me, and I don’t miss the discontent in it.

He’s not happy about having to sit beside me in the back. He hates me.

But that’s okay—I hate me too.

He slides into the back seat wordlessly and I stick my hand out to Carsen. “Can I drive?”

“No.”

“Dude, come on. Don’t do this.”

“I’mnot doing this. Take it up with Elliott.”

“I hate her.”

“You’re so full of lies today.”

I groan and take my place beside my ex in the back.

Elliott and Carsen babble away up front about the meteor shower they’re wanting to watch tonight. They make cutesy plans with their cutesy smiles and their cutesy stupid relationship shit.

While they’re busy yammering, I lean Blake’s way and whisper, “Sorry you have to ride back here with me.”

He shifts even closer to the door than he already was, and my heart constricts in now familiar pain.

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