Page 41 of If You Say So

Ten

Blake

Present day

I wokeup this morning to an empty room, which kind of surprised me because I was certain I’d find Nate on the bed. He wasn’t anywhere to be seen.

I fell asleep thinking about that time we decided we were a couple and wanted to give this thing a shot. It feels like so long ago now. We were ready to take on the world, to be together and make it work—and we did for a long time, nearly two years, but then things got complicated.

Things gotreal.

And we couldn’t hack it.

Am I still upsetwithNate and upsetoverNate? Yes, but that’s on a whole different level than what I was feeling before.

Despite that anger, that hurt…I can’t deny the spark he lights inside of me, and last night was proof of that.

I finish running the towel through my hair and pull a pair of underwear and shorts from the drawers. I toss them on and a knock sounds at my door as I’m slipping a t-shirt over my head.

“Are you naked, bro?”

I chuckle at Carsen’s question since he already has the door open. “Nah. Come on in.”

He strolls into the room, stopping at the foot of the bed and dipping his hands into his back pockets, his attention trained to the floor.

Translation: he wants to talk.

“Out with it already.”

Carsen lifts his head, a grin on his lips. “That obvious, huh?”

“Yep. So, let’s hear it. What do you want?”

“I just wanted to check on you after last night. You and Nate disappeared, and I never got the chance to see what was up. Elliott was a little drunk and I had to deal with people by myself all evening.”

The whole being friendly and having people over thing is new for Carsen. He spent the last two and a half years shut in at home and angry at the world, but Elliott, the bright light that she is, has begun to lure him back out of his shell, and we’re all finally getting to know the old Carsen again.

It’s a nice change.

“So…how are things?” he pushes casually, or at least tries to.

“Fine.”

“Oh, well that’s nice.”

His tone is making it hard not to laugh at him. He’s trying to be subtle, and he doesn’t do subtlety.

“Carsen.”

He sighs. “Shit. Fine. What’s going on with two, huh? You just had a guy over here last week—and by the way, what the fuck—and then last night you two sneak off during the festivities. At first, I thought the guy was here to make Nate jealous, your way of beating it into his head that you’re done, but then last night… Now I don’t even know what the fuck is going on.”

I don’t answer. I slip my bottom lip between my teeth and begin to chew away at the soft skin, a horrible habit of mine that’s grown significantly worse as of late.

“I mean, you aredone, right?” he says.

More silence. Losing your significant other is hard. Losing your boyfriendandyour best friend is even harder. Beginning to lose yourself to depression, taking steps to better yourself, butstilllosing your boyfriend and best friend?

It can fucking destroy you.

---