Page 22 of Can't Text This

Monty:Oh, gosh. No, nothing like that. He just wasn’t good at sleeping in one bed at night is all.

Me:Good. I’m glad to hear that.

Me:Annnnd that came out wrong.

Monty:LOL I knew what you meant.

Monty:It’s fine though. I’m enjoying the eat couches now.

Monty:EAT COATS

Me:Please, tell me more about eating couches and coats. I’m intrigued.

Monty:EAST COAST

Monty:That was exhausting.

Me:It was very enjoyable on my end.

Monty:You’re probably just laughing your bum off over there…

Me:Bum? You don’t even cuss in text?

Monty:*blushes* Erm, no.

Me:Is it weird that I find that hot?

Monty:I find your cussing hot, so perhaps not.

Me:Perhaps.

Me:You sound so…buttoned-up.

Me:Which I also find hot, and that makes no sense to me.

Monty:Me either.

Monty:Out of curiosity, what type of girls are you normally attracted to?

Me:The exact opposite of you.

Me:I don’t mean that to sound harsh, but it’s true. I’ve only had two real relationships in my life and both were with women who were bold and didn’t require an entire bottle of sunscreen to go outside.

Monty:That last part made me laugh because it’s so true. Being a ginger is a real struggle.

Monty:The first part reaffirms my whole we’re not each other’s type thing. I don’t know why we’re bothering texting.

Me:Scroll back through and read my message from 5:01. Then you’ll know why.

Monty:Oh.

Me:Yes, “oh”.

Me:And because it intrigues me that I’m still thinking about you.

Me:My best friend Zach has a theory about this…

Monty:Your best friend that’s your boss?

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