Page 29 of Can't Text This

Monty:Boobie, I’m in awe right now.

Monty:Oh crows. I meant ROBBIE.

Monty:But you knew that…

Monty:Still embarrassing.

Monty:As you can tell, I’m not so great with technology.

Me:Did they not have any in Montana?

Monty:HUSH IT, MISTER!

Monty:They have technology. WE just didn’t have it in my house. My parents weren’t fond of it, so we didn’t have computers or cell phones, and we had tube TVs. MIND BLOWN, HUH?

Me:Fuck yes it is! That’s…that’s…PREPOSTEROUS! How is that even possible?

Monty:It was my norm.

Me:What if you were stuck somewhere and needed a ride? What if something happened? If your car broke down? What if the world was ending and the aliens were coming for you AND YOU COULDN’T PHONE HOME?!

Monty:First, very clever. Second, I didn’t have a car. Third, we’d just make do? That’s what my parents always said. I didn’t get a cell phone until I went away to college. That’s when I got my first computer too. I wasn’t allowed to even buy anything when I got my first paycheck.

Me:This is seriously blowing my mind right now.

Me:My parents made me work hard as shit for everything I got, and cell phones weren’t even cool for kids to have until I was a junior/senior, but still.

Me:So what’d you do for fun?

Monty:Read.

Me:See? Nerd. So hot.

Monty:Stop it.

Me:What are you gonna do? Call me Boobie again?

Monty:I don’t think I wanna be your friend anymore.

Me:We can still bang though, right?

Monty:We’ll see.

Five

Monty

Python:So, I was thinking about the night we met…

Me:You’re still horny, you want to bang—yes, I get it, Robbie. *eye roll*

Python:Well, little miss THANG, I wasn’t going to say anything about how I still wake up nearly every day with morning wood courtesy of a certain redhead, or how I’ve spent a stupid amount of time taking cold showers, or hot showers with extra soap, BUT, I digress…

Me:Get on with it already.

Python:Ooooh. Someone’s testy today. Get your Cheerios peed in?

Me:Basically.

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