Page 59 of Can't Text This

Me:If you don’t fall in love with me first, that is.

Me:(I’ve always wanted to say that. I’ve seen it in so many movies, which is dumb because then the guy does fall in love…obviously.)

Python:Yeah, that won’t happen. We don’t have to worry about that.

Me:Right. We’re good to go then.

Python:Yeah, totally.

Python:Right.

Python:I’m gonna go away now. This has gotten awkward.

Me:Your fault, not mine.

Python:Totally your fault, but whatever is gonna help you sleep at night, Monts.

Ten

Monty

“What isup with you lately? You’re always attached to your phone.”

I glance up from the screen to find Denny giving me that same exasperated look Mom would give her. Funny how that works.

“What do you mean?”

I ask it to save face because I know exactly what she means. Ihavebeen attached to my phone as of late.

Like, the last three weeks kind of late.

It’s not non-stop, but it’s enough to take note of. Sure, he’s the first person my mind wanders to in the mornings and usually the last on my mind at night, but that’s because we’re still all keyed up from our tryst at Lola’s…right?

“I mean, you’re obsessed with it. You take it to the bathroom with you, and that’s super gross because there are floating poop particles in there.” She wrinkles her nose in disgust. “If girls pooped, that is.”

I try not to laugh. You can leave home all you want, but sometimes things are just so ingrained in you that you don’t even realize it.

Mom used to always tell us that talking about our “bodily functions” was the epitome of unladylike, so it’s something we always avoid.

Which I find absurd because it’snatural, for goodness sake.

But, that’s how we were raised—to be good and proper, to follow directions and walk a very narrow path in life.

A path we couldn’t choose.

Everything we did was decided for us: our clothing, our haircuts, colleges, majors.Nowas not in the Andrews children’s vocabulary, nor wereI don’t want toandI don’t like that.You liked what Martha and Clark said you liked, and that was that.

Denny rebelled against all of it. I embraced the structure…until they took it too far and made me accept the proposal from my ex.

“Anyway, who are you talking to all the time?” she asks.

My body stiffens, and I’m suddenly highly annoyed by the fact that I can’t lie to Denny, not even a little white lie likeOh, nobody.I can’t do it. She’ll know. I don’t know if it’s a twin thing or what, but she canalwaysspot my lies.

“Robbie.”

She frowns. “Who?”

“Robbie.”

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