Page 125 of Text Me Baby One More Time

Denver:Ugh. I am going to murder you. It’s a good thing I look good in orange.

* * *

Shepard:Do you want to do dinner before the movie or after?

Denver:I thought I was dinner.

Shepard:You’re right. After sounds good.

Denver:I was kidding. Let’s go before. I had to skip lunch today so I’m certain I’ll be ravenous.

Denver:Okay, okay. You got me. I wasn’t really kidding, but I WILL need sustenance at some point.

Shepard:I am so lost right now.

Shepard:Dinner before or after?

Denver:YES. God, Shep. Just feed or eat me. WHY IS THIS SO HARD?

Shepard:I’m really starting to rethink this whole “we should try again” shit.

Denver:But are you really?

Shepard:Nah. I kind of like the chaos.

Denver:Good answer.

Shepard:Why’d you have to skip lunch?

Denver:I’m behind on my deadline on some articles about some sort of famous baseball star.

Shepard:Make sure you mention his dick length in there. It’s super important for all his adoring fans to know this information.

Denver:*solid four inches* NOTED.

Denver:Any other requests?

Shepard:Nah. I’m actually really excited to read it. And also a little nervous.

Denver:Why nervous?

Shepard:I know I’m not the world’s nicest person. I know I’ve been a sleaze ball. I know I hurt you. It’s hard to wrap my head around what you could possibly write about me.

Denver:You’re also not the sleaze ball you once were. Sure, you tried to pick a girl up in a grocery store a few weeks ago, but people change. You’re in a…well, I wouldn’t say relationship, but a committed “let’s see where this shit takes us” thing. (Which, by the way, is an exclusive thing. Keep those four inches to yourself and to me, thanks.) As for us…clean slate, remember?

Shepard:A few things coming your way…

Shepard:I am very impressed that we just had The Talk without actually having it. (And, by the way, we’re on the same page. Keep those beef curtains closed to anyone but me.)

Denver:OH MY GOD. NO. WHAT THE FUCK, SHEPARD?

Denver:DO NOT EVER CALL THEM BEEF CURTAINS AGAIN!

Shepard:Ham wallet?

Denver:WHY IS IT ALL MEAT?

Shepard:Taco shack?

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