Page 144 of Text Me Baby One More Time

“Yep.” I nod. “Which is another reason you two reminded me so much of us. You had what I was supposed to have: an unconventional beginning with a happily ever after. You pestering me about Zoe and all the other mistakes I’ve made over the years and my jealousy all rolled around in my head until I sent the photo.”

“Why’d you take it to begin with?”

I wince. “Because I was a pig. I literally have no reason other than you were hot and I wanted it, so I took it. It was free porn.”

“That’s…thank you? I don’t really know what to say to that.”

“That ‘free porn’ really ended up costing you a lot, huh?” Zach grabs a container of cheese, plucking out a handful of fresh mozzarella and plopping it down onto another slab of dough. “Was it worth it?”

“Not even kind of. No offense, Delia.”

“Trust me”—she holds her hand up—“none taken.”

We fall into a silence, the only sounds in the kitchen coming from the giant knife Zach’s now moving through the onions he’s slicing.

Delia pushes her chair back and starts to stand. “Well, this has all been very inter—”

“I’m not done,” I interrupt, and she falls back into the chair.

“You’re not talking.”

“You should hear the shit running through my head.”

“Then spit it out.”

She’s so scary when she’s serious, which isn’t often.

“Fuck. Okay.” I exhale heavily. “I didn’t tell you all that to make it seem like I’m making excuses, because I’m not. I just wanted to explain what was going through my head at the time. The simple truth is, I did something stupid and wrong and dehumanizing. I shouldn’t have done it.”

I turn toward Delia for the first time. Looking into her eyes is painful, but it’s a pain I deserve.

“Delia, I’m sorry. From the very bottom of my heart, I apologize. I’m not asking for your forgiveness. I mean, I totally want it, but I’m not asking for it. I just need you to know and understand that I regret that moment in my life so, so much.”

I swivel toward my brother. He notices the movement and sets the knife down, giving me his full attention.

“I owe you an apology too, Zach. I’m sorry I betrayed your trust. I’m sorry I hurt your girlfriend, and I’m sorry I let you down.”

Neither of them say anything for a long time, so long I almost feel as if I need to leave and walk away, let the pieces fall wherever they fall.

Delia’s hand lands on my arm and I swing my attention her way, surprised.

Her lips part and I hold my breath, waiting for her words.

“First, I have to say this…” She grins. “Thatwas the shit rolling around in your head?”

My lungs burn from the lack of oxygen and I finally take a breath, laughing heartily.

“Sorry, I’m not that good with words—probably why I always lash out with actions.”

“Hmm, makes sense.” She squeezes my arm. “Listen, I know you didn’t ask for it, but I’m giving it to you anyway. I forgive you, Shep, but not for you—for myself. It’s my way of letting all this go. I forgive you, but I won’t forget. I’ll always remember the betrayal and the hurt. I’m not saying things are always going to be shit between us, but don’t expect me to run up and hug you when I see you any time soon.”

“Thank you,” I say quietly. “I don’t deserve that, but thank you.”

She gives me a small smile and pulls her hand away.

“What kind?” Zach asks abruptly, moving toward the fridge.

“Huh?”

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