Page 71 of Text Me Baby One More Time

Denver:CHEATER!

Shepard:I was kidding.

Denver:One…

Shepard:Two…

Denver:GO!

Denver:Oh duck. HOLY DUCK, SHEP.

Shepard:I’m 9% certain I did not send you a duck.

Denver:Are they all signed?!

Shepard:Yes.

Denver:OH MY GOD!

Denver:But how?!

Shepard:I bought a Sharpie and signed them. Duh.

Denver:No you didn’t. I see the letter of authenticity.

Denver:How did you get your hands on these?

Shepard:eBay. Did you know people are super nerdy and super into their signed comics? I had no idea there was that much out there.

Denver:This had to have cost a fortune. You really shouldn’t have done this.

Shepard:It was nothing. I mean, sure, I’ll be working until I’m 70 to pay off the debt, but it’s no big deal. You’re worth it.

Shepard:I hope.

Denver:Thank you. Seriously. This means the world to me.

Denver:Did you open yours yet?

Shepard:No. I’m waiting until Christmas because I’m a goddamn angel.

Denver:9% certain, Shep. 9%.

* * *

Denver:So…did you open it?

Shepard:It is 7AM. Are you insane?

Denver:Um…IT’S CHRISTMAS! Wake your ass up!

Shepard:I told you Santa wasn’t real. Go back to sleep. He won’t be mad.

Denver:Get up and open it!

Shepard:How can you live thousands of miles away and still be so damn demanding?

Denver:It’s a gift. Now move.

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