Page 86 of Text Me Baby One More Time

Shepard:Valentine’s Day is a commercial holiday and I will NOT be participating in it.

Shepard:No cards. No chocolates. And definitely no flowers.

Denver:You saying you’re NEVER going to buy me flowers?

Shepard:Not never, but when I do, they’re going to mean something. They won’t be a “holiday” obligation.

Denver:Duly noted.

Shepard:So that means tomorrow when VDay rolls around, don’t be upset that I didn’t send you anything.

Denver:Wait a second—why would you send me something?

Denver:OH MY GOD. Are we dating and I didn’t know it?!

Shepard:No.

Shepard:But we have intentions to date.

Shepard:I feel like that’s the same thing.

Denver:It’s…close-ish.

Shepard:I’m not seeing anyone else.

Shepard:Well, not anyone other than Penny.

Shepard:But since I still don’t have a vagina, that’s not working out.

Shepard:While we’re on the subject…does it bother you that Penny and I are “dating”?”

Denver:If I’m being 9% honest with you, I do think it’s a little weird because I don’t really know how into the fake dating you two are, but I also understand it.

Shepard:We don’t kiss.

Denver:Yes, we’ve established that.

Shepard:Sometimes we hold hands, but it’s not in a…sexual way.

Denver:You can hold hands in a sexual way?

Shepard:Definitely.

Shepard:I’ll show you one day.

Denver:Okay, but only because I’m intrigued.

Shepard:And because you like me.

Denver:Sometimes.

Shepard:Quit trying to take it back.

Shepard:Anyway, that’s about the extent of it. She just comes over once a week for dinner and I accompany her to dances. We’re more like siblings than anything else.

Denver:So you and Zach also hold hands?

Shepard:All the time. Especially when we’re watching something with bunnies.

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