Page 111 of I Knead You Tonight

The words fall out of my mouth with ease, like missing Winston is the most natural thing in the world.

He runs his thumbs over my cheeks, his touch so gentle, so sweet.

The gentle strokes make my heartthump thump thumpin my chest.

When he touches me softly like this, it feels like he’s touching my soul.

“What are we doing, Winston?”

“I don’t know anymore.”

“What do you want to do?”

“I don’t know that anymore either.”

I swallow the lump forming in my throat. “I’m scared.”

“Of what? Me?”

“Of us. We’re just so…” I shake my head. “When we’re good, we’re explosive. When we’re not…well, it sucks.”

“Everyone has their ups and downs.”

“But we have more downs than ups.”

“That’s not true,” he argues, pulling my eyes back to his. “We’ve been doing great these last few weeks.”

“Because I’ve been gone.”

“Or because we’re growing.”

Maybe he’s right. Maybe he’s not.

Am I willing to take a huge chance and find out?

“All I know, Drew, is that I like you. I like spending time with you. I like spending time with your son, and I don’t hate the idea of doing so for a long time.”

“I don’t hate that idea either,” I admit. “Remember that first night we almost slept together?”

“You mean when you were too afraid to admit you wanted me?”

“Yes, that night. Do you remember what you said to me?”

“What about it?”

“If you aren’t one hundred percent certain you want to do this withmeand not just because it feels good to havesomeonehere, walk away. We can go back to being friends like nothing ever happened. I’m really good at faking it until I make it.” I place my hand over his heart, feeling it beat wildly beneath my palm. Mine’s doing the same thing. “Because if we do this, Winston, if we say we’re together and we take that next step, there’s no turning back, no pretending this didn’t happen. I’ll get attached. Riker will get attached. You’ll get attached, and if the bottom drops out from underneath us, we’re both screwed. You have to be sure you’re ready for this, because you’re not just taking on me. It’s my son too. This isn’t playing house. This is for real. Are you ready for that? Are you ready forus?”

He opens his mouth, but I shake my head.

“No. Don’t say anything right now. This can’t be a hasty, in-the-moment decision. I need you to think about this, long and hard. Let it percolate for at least forty-eight hours before you give me an answer.”

He nods. “Fine, I can do that. But, Drew?”

“Yeah?”

“You said long and hard.”

I crack a smile. “I still hate you.”

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