Page 127 of I Knead You Tonight

And I really, really don’t want her to leave.

I don’t know if I’d survive it.

Pushing the front door open as quietly as I can, I don’t bother stopping to toe off my shoes, wanting to get back to Drew before she makes a decision I don’t want her to make.

My worst fear comes true as I watch her shovel things into a bag.

“What the fuck are you doing?”

I don’t mean to yell it, but it comes out that way anyway.

She startles, hand flying to her chest in fright.

I reach for my own heart, making sure it’s still in my chest, because right now I feel like it’s being stuffed into those bags right along with her clothes.

“Holy…” She huffs and puffs heavily. “Christ, Winston, you scared the shit out of me.”

“What are you doing?” I repeat. “Are you packing?”

“What? No, I’m just getting a beach bag ready. I wanted some time out on the sand to clear my head. Did you think I was leaving you?”

“I…” I blow out a relieved breath, running a hand through my hair. “Fuck. I don’t know. I mean, after last night, I wouldn’t blame you.”

She side-eyes me. “Please. That’s not my style. Unlike you, I don’t run from my problems.”

“I was gone.”

“Yeah, I noticed. So what?” She shrugs, going back to tossing things into her bag. “You disappearing or giving up when shit gets rough is nothing new.”

As much as I wish she were, she’s not wrong.

“I’m a shitbag, okay? I get it. I’m trying to be better.”

She doesn’t say anything, just continues to throw things into the bag.

I gnash my teeth together, pinching the bridge of my nose. “Can you stop packing for a minute so we can talk?”

She sighs, wrapping the shirt she’s holding around her hands and taking a seat on the end of the bed.

In the same spot Riker fell from last night.

The bile that seems to just live at the back of my throat now tries to work its way up, and this time I barely swallow it back down in time.

“Fine. I’ll start.” She sits up straight. “I don’t know if I can do this anymore, Winston.”

“I thought you weren’t leaving me,” I say.

“I’m not. I told you, I don’t run.”

“Then what are you saying, Drew?”

“I’m saying…” She licks her lips, exhaling sharply. “I’m saying I don’t know if this…us…is a good idea.”

“Why not? Because of last night?”

“Kind of. I just…” She abruptly pushes up from the bed, like she can’t sit still. “Last night was awful—for me, for Riker—and I know it was an accident. Accidents happen, but, Winston…if you can’t commit to our most basic instinct as humans to cover our own asses, how can I depend on you to commit to us? To take care of Riker with me? Because if we do this, if we give in to this thing between us, it’s not just me anymore. It’s not just sex. It’s a real, honest commitment to a whole new life, and I’m not sure you’re ready for it.”

“I am.”

---