Page 128 of I Knead You Tonight

“I don’t know that I can believe you.”

Her voice is calm.

I hate how it makes me feel, like I want to puke and scream at the same time.

She’s not wrong. I’ve spent so much time over the last few years running and hiding from all my responsibilities. I haven’t been committed to anything. Hell, even photography, the thing I find the most joy in, isn’t something I can commit to fully.

I give up on everything too easily.

Life, living, moving forward—I just let myself stall and stall and never actually go anywhere.

I can’t keep giving up.

I can’t keep living like I have been, so angry and closed off. I have to take charge of my life and do something, not just coast.

“You can. I’ve been doing things, settings things up.”

She crosses her arms over her chest in the way that drives me crazy. “What does that even mean, Winston?”

“Photoshoots.”

“What?” Her eyes flash with surprise.

“I’ve been doing photoshoots, working on a client list, building a legitimate portfolio. I’m turning my photography into a business.”

“But you don’t want to do that…”

“That’s not entirely true. I’ve always wanted to. I just never had the gumption to do it. Now I do. It’s what Ishouldbe doing. I’m doing it because it’ll create something stable for our future. I’m doing it for you.”

“No, Winston.” She shakes her head. “I told you, I don’t want you doing things for me. I want you doing them foryou.”

“I am. I’m doing it because I love you, and loving you…it makes me feel whole. I want to keeping feeling whole.”

Her arms drop slowly, and she stands there, mouth falling open and closed.

She gulps.

“You…love me?”

I cross the room to her, unable to stay away for another second.

She lets me wrap my good arm around her, pulling her tightly against me as I can with the limited movement I have. There’s no hesitation as she clings to me like we’ve been apart for years and not hours.

“Of course I love you. Ihaveloved you, for a long damn time now, probably since I forced you to come home with me. Actually, no,” I say, leaning back to look at her. “It was probably before that, way back when I asked you to deflower me and you just laughed in my face.”

She chuckles softly. “You like it when I’m mean to you.”

I shake my head, cupping her face with my hand. “No. I like it when you’rerealto me. You’re the only one who doesn’t let me just sit around and waste away. You push me.”

“I annoy you.”

“Well, yeah, but I let you get away with that because of the sex.” I smirk, running my thumb along her pouty bottom lip. “In all seriousness, Drew, I’m glad you annoy me. It means whatever you’re saying to me is the thing I need to hear the most. I don’t want to drift along and never amount to anything. I’ve never wanted that. I’ve just always been too fucking scared to do anything until you came along and gave me a reason.”

“You need to do this for you, though, Winston, not me,” she maintains, eyes hard.

“You’re missing the point—Ican’tdo this on my own. Some people need to chase the gold stars in life, and you’re mine.”

“You don’t need me as incentive. Youcando this. You just choose not to.”

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