Page 119 of Doughn't Let Me Go

“Just don’t talk about the first thing that pops up.”

Everyone groans at Foster’s lame joke.

“What? That washilariousand you all know it.”

“That was sad, babe. Very, very sad.” Wren pats his hand. “We’ll let it slide this time, but another one of those and you’re out.”

He grumbles something I can’t quite make out and takes a pull on his beer. “So, Porter, how’s it going with the home base back in Cali and living out here? That can’t be easy on you.”

“Probably why he took to dicking his nanny,” Winston says. “He needs stress relief of the nanny poonani persuasion. I don’t—ow!”

Drew reaches over and pinches him hard. “Shut up, you ass. You’re making it sound like Dory is nothing but a piece of meat.”

“Nanny poonani?” Foster tries really fucking hard not to laugh as Wren glares at him, daring him to break the entire time.

“Sorry,” Winston says quietly.

I feel Dory stiffen in my arms, but just for a moment. Then she shrugs.

“It’s okay, Winston,” Dory says. “That’s really what this is—just sex.”

She’s right. That’s exactly what we’ve relegated our relationship to—just sex.

So why does it feel so wrong? Why does bile rise in my throat, the feeling of wanting to puke so strong I have to take a hefty drink of my beer just to keep from spewing vomit?

“Yep.” I nod. “Just sex.”

I hope I sound convincing, because I sure as shit don’t feel confident in my answer.

If it’s obvious, nobody says anything.

“The company is doing well financially,” I say to Foster, “but I will admit I feel it slipping through my fingers not being there. A part of me wishes I could go back after the summer ends.”

“Like full-time?”

His question doesn’t surprise me. Of all people, Foster knows how obsessed I am with work. Being away from all the action… It’s been an adjustment, and I’ve been using Dory as a distraction to not focus on it.

But it’s starting to weigh on me. That’smycompany.Myhard work that’s making millions. I should be there…right?

“I’d be lying if I said I haven’t thought about it. Could use this as my summer home.”

There’s a small hitch in Dory’s breath and I hear it.

“Besides,” I say, testing the waters, “it’s not like I have anything permanent here or anything.”

There she goes stiffening yet again.

Part of me yearns to tell her I’d stay for her, but I’m terrified she’ll run.

After all, this isjust sexto her. She just told my friend as much.

Instead, I let it go and take another drink.

“I think if you just relax and stop fighting everything so much, you’ll see that this is the right place for you after all.”

I’ve known him long enough to know exactly what Foster means with his words.

If I’d stop playing this game with Dory and just go for it, I’d find happiness here and have a reason to stay.

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