Page 121 of Loathe Thy Neighbor

“There,” he says quietly, voice hoarse like he’s the one dying. “Now we’re both wet.”

He grabs his things and disappears.

The doors close, and I take my first real breath in far too long.

* * *

If you’d have toldme over a month ago I’d be back here in my tub sipping on whiskey and eating pie, I’d have laughed.

But that’s exactly what I’m doing.

I cut off a forkful of cherry pie and take a bite.

Imagine my surprise when it does nothing to satiate the hunger inside of me.

It’s completely Dean’s fault.

His antics in the elevator still have me out of whack hours later.

As soon as I regained my composure and made it into my apartment, I knew I needed to do something to take the edge off. I tried meditation. Yoga. Even tried masturbating, but it just wasn’t the same as what Dean had done to me.

Nothing worked.

It doesn’t help that I was so exhausted this morning when my alarm went off that I called in sick. That’s twice in two weeks.

I blame Dean for that too.

It’s hard to see him. To be around him. I’m trying to go on as we planned, like nothing happened. No making it awkward.

But the truth is, it’s pure torture to have to see him.

The most maddening part of it all is that this suffering was mostly my idea. Sure, Dean was the one to suggest we relieve the building tension, but did I have to be so damn adamant about rules? Why did I ever think we could go back to the way things used to be after all was said and done?

I knew.

Knew there was a chance I’d fall for Dean. Even if it was minuscule at first, it was there.

Yet, I agreed to our arrangement.

I wanted a taste that bad.

Now I have to live with the consequences of falling for him.

Why the hell did I ever think this was a good idea?

Because Maya is right—you never hated him.

I didn’t.

I don’t.

But I wish I truly hated him. It would make all this a whole lot easier.

I abandon my pie and set the to-go container on the ledge, sinking lower into the bubbles, relishing the warmth of the water. I allow my eyes to fall shut, and those damn green orbs haunt me again.

They were there last night too. And the night before. And the one before that.

They’re always there, staring at me in the otherwise dark void.

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