Page 120 of Crave Thy Neighbor

I lift my hand, rubbing the back of my neck. My hands are literally trembling. My chest is shaking with fear.

But there’s no turning back now.

“I’m an idiot.”

She huffs out a laugh. “Tell me something I don’t know.”

I smash my lips together, tucking my hands into my pockets. “Okay. I deserved that one.” I tip my head back to meet her eyes. “When my mom left and I had to watch my father live without her all those years, it fucked me up. I didn’t want to become him. I didn’t want to hand myself over to anyone as fully as he did. I couldn’t stand the thought of being so…broken. So, other than Dean because that asshole wouldn’t leave me alone no matter how hard I tried, I pushed everyone away. Always. I did it for so long that it was second nature.”

She watches me with rapt attention, hanging on to every word.

“Then you happened, and I realized what a complete fool I was.”

Her lips part in surprise, gray eyes shining with curiosity.

“I was a goner the first moment I laid eyes on you, and I think deep down, I knew it even then. You were like this magnetic force pulling me in from the start. Ihadto know you. Even if we’d met that night how we were supposed to, it would have been the same way. There was no way I was going to walk out of the bar that night not knowing you. It almost felt like fate when you needed a place to stay and I had the room.”

I wet my lips, shaking my head.

“I swore to myself I would keep my hands to myself, said nothing would happen between us because I knew I couldn’t give you what you wanted. But we both know how that turned out, huh?”

She dips her head, and I don’t have to be standing next to her to know she’s blushing, thinking of all the nights we definitely didn’t follow that rule of mine.

“And that’s just it, you know? It took nothing at all to break my resolve because being with you was the easiest thing I’ve ever done. It was like I was built to exist next to you, and all those years I spent pushing everyone away was because I knew somewhere out there, you were waiting.”

I can see her breaths in the cold air, her chest rising and falling with anticipation.

I exhale slowly, rocking back on my heels. “I guess what I’m trying to say is, I’m sorry for pushing you away. I’m sorry for running. I’m sorry for being an idiot, and I’m sorry I didn’t do this sooner. But I’m not sorry for falling crazy in love with you.”

She doesn’t say anything.

Doesn’t move.

“Did, uh, did you hear me?”

She nods, then spins on her heel.

The door slams against the frame and the panic slams into me all over again.

I’m shaking, and it’s not from the cold. All I can do is stand there and stare up at the empty balcony.

What the fuck just happened?

Of all the ways I thought this could go—and I hada lotof scenarios run through my head—this wasn’t one of them.

I’m frozen to the spot. Can’t seem to get my legs to move.

I should run after her, right? Go to her. Make her see that I’m serious. That I want her. That I’m not going anywhere.

I hear hushed footfalls crunching against the frosty grass, and I swivel toward the sound.

Maya’s standing a few feet away wearing those old, ripped-up leggings again and a t-shirt. No jacket. And no shoes either.

I cross over to her, ready to sweep her into my arms and take her back into the warmth of her apartment. “What are you doing? It’s freezing out here. You’re—”

“Did you mean it?”

“Yes. I—”

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