Page 40 of Sin

I escape to my room and start gathering up my belongings. Forget about Freedom Fest. I can’t stay here another day and night with him. I should be able to afford a bus ticket back to Nashville. Even though it will take more than a day to get there, I can’t stay here and continue to let Sin rip my heart to shreds.

I open up my bag and start stuffing things inside. There, in a separate compartment, are the condoms and lube that I’d packed when I thought I was going to be seducing Sin tonight.

I swing the bag over my shoulder and walk back out to the main room of the suite. I need to tell Sin I’m leaving. I contemplate not bothering to tell him and just letting him figure out where I’ve gone in the morning, but Sin can be randomly protective, and if he wakes up to find my bed empty, he might do something as big and dramatic as organize a missing person’s search. There’s already been enough drama tonight.

I pick up my phone to text him, but after several tries at finding the words to tell him goodbye, I end up slamming the phone down on the table and deciding just to stick my head in his room and tell him I’m leaving. He’ll probably be relieved he won’t have to drag me around the festival all day with him tomorrow.

Leaving my bag by the couch, I march to his door and knock. He has his music on loud, and he must not hear me. I try the door. It’s not locked, so I push it open and peer in.

There he sits on his bed with his head cradled in his hands. Even from across the room, I can sense how alone he seems in this moment.

I quietly step back and close the door.

The Sin I just saw in his room is completely different than the one who pushed me away all night. Mercer’s words come back to me.Don’t let Sin hide from you or ice you out, Cassidy. He can be a cold bastard when he wants to be, but if anyone can thaw him, it’s you.

I think about Sin helping me through my asthma attack, teaching me how to drive, and the water fight where he’d doused my mother because she’s been mean to me. I think about the Sin who watches me from the shadows, and I know I have to try to reach for him one more time.

This time I won’t let him intimidate me into retreating.

I fling it open and walk over the threshold. He’s moved from his sitting position and is standing by the bed, ready to draw the top sheet back. He turns to see me, but barely reacts.

“Go to bed, Cassidy.”

I take a step closer. He gives me a withering look. “You heard me before. I don’t want you in my bed. Don’t embarrass us both with a clumsy attempt at seduction. I don’t want you.”

If it wasn’t for Mercer’s earlier advice, I might have turned around and fled from his rejection, but between that and what I believe is a flicker of fear I see in Sin’s eyes, I stand my ground.

“Have you watched me in my window all these months?”

He freezes. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he says in a dismissive tone meant to slice and dice my feelings. “You sound delusional.”

“Maybe.” I agree with him. “There were times I thought I just imagined that you were there. Wished you were there.”

His eyes flick up at me. His hand still clenching the sheet he’d been holding when I’d walked in. “Other times,” I say, taking a step closer, “I’d look out into the shadows and beteverythingthat you were there. Sometimes, I even swore I heard your voice urging me on.”

“You’re making a fool out of yourself. I don’t have to stand here and listen to your virginal fantasies.” He makes a disgusted sound low in his throat, “You do realize I’m your stepbrother, right?”

Shame grips me for a moment. Freezes me. I’ve known since the first time I got hard when my new stepbrother opened the door to his room with just a towel wrapped around his waist and droplets of water glistening on his tanned, muscled chest, that what I felt for Sin was supposed to be wrong. That, in the eyes of everyone else in the world, it was bad to feel the way I did for a member of my new family.

But deep down, my feelings for my stepbrother never felt wrong. How could something that made me feel so good, so complete, be bad? My conscience, which has always been a loud voice in my head that directs me between right and wrong, has always remained silent regarding Sin, and I’m tired of listening to any other voice on this subject than my own.

“I should ask you the same question,” I parry back. “Wasn’t ityouwho kissed me after every tutoring session?”

He snorts. “I was showing my appreciation for your help. Those kisses were totally family-appropriate.”

Sadly, I agree. I still count myself as never having been really kissed. As much as I lived for those brief, shattering touches of Sin’s lips to mine, they were only tantalizing hints of what I truly want from him.

What am I going to make him give me now? It’s just going to take me being braver than I’ve ever been before.

“Yes, but watching me from the shadows while I touched myself, that wasn’t familial at all, was it, Sin?”

“We’re back to this again? I told you I never?—"

“Never what, Sin?” I break in. “Never watched me do this?”

I step out of my boots first, knowing it will be awkward if I don’t. Then I slide off the vest I’ve been wearing and let it fall to the floor.

“What are you doing?” He asks, his voice rough with an undertone of panic.

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