Page 47 of The Lost Art of Finding Where You Belong

Perian explained anew how his wound was healing, there was no evidence of infection, and he was not participating in any more training until he was healed.

She nodded firmly. “Good.”

Since Perian would probably react the same way if anyone he cared about was injured, he couldn’t really argue. They fell into a conversation about what Renny was learning and the meetings and audiences she’d been able to sit in with her mother. And then there was the big news.

“Mother says I can try riding!”

“Oh, Renny,” Perian said, smiling at her, “I’m so happy for you!”

Her grin was huge. “It sounds like I’m going to be on the oldest, slowest animal that ever existed, and there are probably going to be a… agaggleof horses and riders surrounding me so that I couldn’t fall off even if I tried, but I get to ride again!”

Truly, she was beaming, even with the restrictions she’d listed.

“That’s so wonderful,” Perian told her.

“It’s all thanks to you,” Renny said gratefully. “Thank you so much, Perian.”

“You’re very welcome. You deserve every good thing.”

She drew a deep breath and let it out slowly, repeating it a few times, and Perian realized she was trying not to cry. He pulled out a handkerchief and handed it to her.

“Let it out,” he said gently. “You don’t have to bottle it up.”

The tears spilled over, and she swiped at them with his handkerchief.

“I used to get so angry,” she said after a little while of silence interspersed with quiet sniffing. “There was so much I wanted to do but couldn’t. I mean, when I was really sick, just the idea of doing something was exhausting. But when I was just tired and weak, and Iwas always told no and no and no… When I got dizzy and collapsed and everyone was afraid that I would really hurt myself… There were just so many noes. And it made me so angry, but there wasn’t anything I could do about it. And eventually, I mostly stopped being angry. But that was worse.”

“And then you were sad,” Perian said gently, because he’d seen it, that deep melancholy that had called to him, even when he hadn’t known what he was stumbling into.

She nodded, blew her nose, and swiped at her eyes one more time. “But then you came, and for the first time in a long time, you treated me just as I am now, not remembering the way I used to be or worrying about the overall health and safety of the princess. Just me how I am. And it felt a lot likehope.” Her eyes still swam with tears. They were so earnest. “I didn’t realize I’d almost forgotten what that felt like.”

Perian’s eyes stung. “Now you’re going to make me cry.”

She held out the used handkerchief, and he laughed. “Keep it. Please.”

He managed to sniff and do a couple deep breaths of his own and not actually cry, but it was a near thing.

“I’m so glad you’re doing better,” he told her.

“Me too,” she whispered. “And I know it might not stay like this, but I’m going to do everything I can while I can. And I think Mother saw that, too. Not too much too fast, like you said, because then Iwillset myself back. But since I’m doing so much better, now is the time to try doing more, to see what happens.”

“I’m sure you’ll be wonderful,” Perian assured her. “Whatever happens.”

She nodded, face determined. “I’m certainly going to try.”

Renny looked at the empty spot where Kee was. “Thank you.” To Perian, she explained, “He says he’s going to help every way he can, too. Except for cheating at the Old Tongue, because how would I learn? But I mean, do I really need to know if he can tell me what it says?”

Laughing, they playfully argued back and forth about the benefit of having your own personal translator that no one else could hear but finally agreed the gaps while he answered might be a little bit awkward, especially if other people kept talking, not knowing you were listening for an answer.

Renny held up her hand and said with mock hauteur, “Excuse me. I need complete silence before I give you a perfect translation of this text. It is simply how I do things.”

They giggled again. Perian loved seeing this side of her, the playful, happy person who had faced a lot of challenges but was still fighting to persevere and triumph.

Perian was sending every wish he had out into the world that Renny would keep getting better, that she wouldn’t have any setbacks, and that she would be able to ride and do everything she wished.

“If you get to a point where you’re allowed to have non-Warriors on your rides, I’d be happy to join you,” Perian told her.

“I’d like that.” Renny smiled at him. “I’m sure Mother is going to go overboard with Warriors at first, but hopefully I can invite you along soon.”

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