Page 20 of Hot to Go

I watch this strange stand-off between the sisters. It’s triggered something in Meg, who has enough alcohol in her system to be insulted by this comment but also rise to the challenge.

‘You dare me?’ she says, taking a large sip of wine.

‘Yeah…’ Lucy says immaturely, and I can see her mind whirring. She looks towards the sea. ‘Right. All of us now. Let’s go skinny dipping.’

Beth chokes a little on her wine. ‘Hold up now, this was between the two of you. Why have the rest of us got dragged into this?’

Emma shakes her head whereas I look out at the sea, the twinkle of fishing boats drifting about, the moon shining brightly, illuminating the crests of the waves. There’s a little part of me that knows that’s how most shark attack movies start, but I quite like the idea of the coolness of the water, running with the sand between my toes, doing something out of my comfort zone. I put a hand in the air. ‘I’m in.’

Lucy high-fives that hand. ‘The cousin has spoken. Look how brave and magnificent she is.’

‘She’s got nice little boobs that don’t need a bra,’ Beth says, gesturing towards me.

‘And you’ve got nice big ones that will keep you afloat,’ Lucy says frankly.

‘Well, I will be the voice of dissent and say it’s illegal, there’s the likelihood of all sorts: sharks, jellyfish, flotsam…’ Emma lists.

‘Flotsam…?’ Grace says, trying to stifle her laughter, fanning herself with a napkin. ‘I’m in, I’m bloody melting in any case.’

Meg still maintains eye contact with her sister who won’t stand down. ‘If I do this then none of your stupid euphoric wellness dancing and party boats.’

‘It was a catamaran.’

‘Same thing.’

‘No, it isn’t.’

There’s a moment of silence then Meg downs the last of her wine and claps her hands before rubbing them together. She raises her hand. ‘Luis, la cuenta, por favor.’ Luis nods in reply. ‘We’re going swimming.’

‘EMMA! Look at you with your shaved foofoo!’ Lucy announces to the shore as Emma charges at her to shut her mouth. ‘Who’s going to hear me? The fish?’ Lucy tells her.

We’re all drunk and, it would seem, naked. I’m not sure when I was last naked with these girls, but I think it may havebeen in the late nineties one summer’s day when some of us were little and running through sprinklers in swimming costumes and jelly shoes. Now we’ve found this quiet little cove, dotted with rocks, the buzz of lights from resorts and buildings in the distance. Is this legal? Who knows? But nothing has changed, the humour, the joy is still there.

‘Oh my god, don’t make me laugh. I’m going to piss myself,’ Beth whispers drunkenly.

‘Save it for the sea,’ Grace tells her.

Well, maybe something has changed – our bodies have changed and evolved – but I love how the mums in the group have been encouraged to not care, to run wildly across the sand and jump into the spray, fuelled by freedom and Rioja.

‘You good, cuz?’ Lucy asks me, as I watch Emma folding her knickers and placing them on her dress, stumbling towards the water with Meg, cackling as they go.

I look out onto the sea and up at the stars, stretching my arms into the air. I’ve never felt readier. I pull down my knickers and out of sheer drunkenness, lunge and get ready to swim, Lucy joining me as she pings off her thong.

‘I’ve never seen your arse up close and…girl, I’d kill for that,’ she says, peering round. She puts her hand out. ‘You look pensive. You’re not thinking about Paul, are you?’

‘I wasn’t,’ I say defensively. I realise as I say it – the whole evening, Paul’s not even crossed my mind, and that is the beauty of being here with these girls.

‘Is he lingering, like a bad smell?’ she asks, analytically. I laugh under my breath as sometimes that’s exactly how it feels, how he wafts in and out of my mind.

‘Occasionally. But get me out in the sea. Let’s exorcise his demons.’

‘Amen.’

She smiles at me and we run towards the sea, laughing and screaming as we go. As soon as our feet hit the water and we getwaist height, we shriek with laughter. The water is a relief and I dive in to feel the full effects of it all. Never mind, Meg, I don’t think I’ve ever swum naked before and there is something about it that’s completely liberating, the water cocooning me, the taste of salt against my lips, the light of the moon reflecting off our faces. I look over and see Beth floating in a massive star shape, looking up at the stars.

Meg screams, ‘Oh my god…oh my god…’ she says, reaching down, splashing around in the water. We all freeze. It’s the sharks. She reaches down and pulls up a dark bushel of seaweed, throwing it away from her.

‘Thank God, I thought that was your muff,’ Grace says. And we all laugh, a bit delirious with joy. That sound is almost medicinal. I want to say that aloud. I want to thank them all. This holiday isn’t about me at all, so I won’t do it, but the truth is that this – getting our boobs out and being together, the cousins allowing me to be a part of this – is healing, is making me remember how to really laugh. I will always be grateful to them for that.

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