Page 40 of Hot to Go

‘Let’s start with maths.’ Crumbs, there are slides with our names. People stand up and wave as their names are announced. I really hope we don’t have to say anything. No. Just standing and waving. I can do that. She gets through English, Science and Geography – the new teacher of which tells us he has a speech prepared. Alicia tells him to sit down.

‘And moving on to Modern Foreign Languages. We have Suzie Callaghan who is with us after a relocation from Brighton.’ Shit, that’s me. I stand up and put a hand to the air whilst Beth claps and lets out a little whoop. ‘For those wondering, she is the cousin of the other Miss Callaghan, which is lovely. And Charlie Shaw joining us from a school in West London.’

I was told about this. He’s a last-minute hire. We haven’t had the chance to meet because of this but we’ve both been added to the MFL Team and I know he likes a thumbs up emoji. I didn’t really have the time to stalk him. I look around the room, curious to see who I’ll be working alongside. A figure to the side of the room stands up.

‘Come on, turn around so we can see you,’ Alicia tells him.

He turns around.

What the actual.

FUCK.

I don’t quite know what sound comes out of my mouth next but I yelp as we stand there, staring at each other. Beth sits up when she finds him then looks at me, her head swinging back and forth between us. Is this a prank? A really awful cruel prank? He puts a hand to the air to wave at me. I wave back.

It’s him. Carlos?

Charlie

‘And this is the staffroom. Don’t worry about that large stain. It looks like someone died there but it was from when Jan onreception dropped a vat of mulled wine at Christmas. I also bake every Friday. It’s brownies this week,’ my school guide and staff buddy, Ed from Biology, tells me.

‘You bake? For the whole faculty? That’s impressive,’ I tell him.

He laughs. ‘Oh, it’s first come, first served, and if and when my daughter allows for it,’ he says.

‘How old?’ I ask, politely.

‘She’s one. Her name is Daisy. I’m going to be unbearable now and show you a picture.’ He beams so hard that I can’t deny him and he holds up an adorable selfie of him, a very curly haired baby, someone I’ll assume is his wife and a ginger cat who looks less impressed. ‘That’s Mia – she works in English.’

‘Well, that is super cute.’

‘And you? Married? Kids?’ he asks.

‘It’s complicated, but single for now.’ He leads me down a staircase so we can head to a briefing in the main hall and I can get a feel for this new school I’m going to call home. I would like to say it’s different but all these London schools feel the same. They’re hybrids of new fancy wooden-clad buildings with flash technology and old blocks from the seventies that hide asbestos and flaking concrete.

‘So, if you don’t mind me asking, what made you want to move on?’ he asks, trying to strike up a conversation. You seem nice and all, Ed, but I don’t think we’re far enough down the line to tell you the ‘cock-sock’ story.

‘You know, the academy system isn’t great – it’s all money and results-driven and I just wanted another challenge,’ I tell him earnestly. He nods and leads me into the hall with its pristine parquet floors and tiered seating. We seem to have snuck in through the back door and the head has already started her spiel so we take some seats to the side. Oh, they’re introducing new staff. That’ll be me then. I only had my interviewon the last day of the summer term so it all feels a little rushed but, hey, at least I wore my good shirt.

‘And moving on to Modern Foreign Languages. We have Suzie Callaghan who is with us after a relocation from Brighton.’ I was told there was another new starter in the department but I haven’t met her yet. We’d been added to a lot of groups where I contributed to the conversations with a thumbs up, just to show I was paying attention. I’ve not been told much about her but I hope she’s relatively young and will let me steal her pens. I look around for her and turn my head to the person standing at the back of the room.

Holy fuck.

I turn around again.

No.

Hold up.

‘For those wondering, she is the cousin of the other Miss Callaghan which is lovely.’ Cousins? I know her cousins. They’re also here? What sort of a twisted ambush is this? I hold on to Ed’s shoulder who is a bit disconcerted by the physical contact and lean over to see the person cheering on her announcement is Beth. I’ve met her. What the…

‘And Charlie Shaw joining us from a school in West London.’

I can just stay seated. I’ll just put a hand in the air. Can I crawl out of here?

‘That’s you, I believe,’ Ed tells me.

‘It is.’ I stand up and face the front so she won’t be able to see me.

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