Page 81 of Hot to Go

‘I’m fine. There was fruit in the sangria. So basically it was just like fancy squash.’

‘Vitamin water, really,’ she continues. ‘I might be a bit…’ she says, putting her hands out in different shapes like she’s still dancing.

‘Handsy? I would encourage that.’

‘I would too!’ she says excitedly.

We both grin and then there’s a moment where we look at each other and just find ourselves. Her lips search for mine and we laugh, in between smiles. As I pull her T-shirt over her head,she gets tangled up and it covers her face like a veil. ‘Can we just do it like this?’ she says, a head of teal staring back at me and I laugh again. I kick off my shoes and they fly across the room knocking over a bottle of water that I apologise to, of course. And then we kiss, balancing our bodies out on that single mattress, lying there together, desperately trying to unclothe ourselves, me doing some weird dolphin kick to get rid of my boxers and her using her feet to move her knickers down towards her ankles. And there are elbows in the way, a point where I find an especially ticklish spot on the underside of her upper arm and kisses that involve way too much tongue but I like it all, the messiness of it.

I then balance off the edge of the bed to find a condom in my backpack, tearing the wrapper off with my teeth, lying back to put it on. She starts humming to pass the time as I pull the rubber over my sheath.

‘Are you singing…’

‘Lady Gaga? I think I am,’ she giggles, turning to face me, propping her head up with her hand. ‘You scrunch your face up when you’re concentrating,’ she says mimicking me.

I nudge her with my elbow and she giggles before kissing me and slowly manoeuvring over me, angling her body to glide on to me but then sitting up and then bumping her head on the upper bunk. She laughs and falls into me and we both lie there just wrapped up in each other. And this is not what I imagined. As I roll her over and she opens her legs a little wider, she looks at me and puts a hand through my hair. And I’ll admit, I didn’t imagine sex with her looked like this. Back in the summer, I always thought the sex we’d have again would play like a movie. A roll around on a sunswept beach, the light hitting us at the right angles and orgasms in slow motion, like they’re under a filter. This isn’t perfect. It’s messy and unrehearsed. Damn it, it feels a little sloppy. Moments of unfettered pleasure coupled with a very real laughter. I put her arms over her head and runmy tongue along her neck. ‘I like this,’ I mumble into her ear, thrusting deeply into her, witnessing her arousal in the shapes of her back and mouth. Her lips taste like sweet red wine. Her eyes look deeply into mine. Searching.

‘Yeah. It’s OK, isn’t it?’

‘OK?’

‘C’est magnifique…’ she whispers.

And there’s a feeling in my chest that’s not some burning, aching passion that’s fiery and uncontrollable. It’s something I feel deep in my body, a warmth running through my veins, a feeling like everything around me is glowing. It could be sangria or maybe it’s me getting swept up in this, falling. In love.

In you. And just you. Suzie. Not that other French girl I knew once. God, I can’t even remember her name.

EIGHTEEN

Suzie

I wake the next morning alone. No Charlie. Just me, lying here in this hostel room, wrapped in a sheet, a teal aquarium T-shirt next to me, the inside of my mouth dry and furry like a hamster has been bedding inside it.

The fierce morning light shines through those gauzy white curtains and I panic for a little knowing I have a professional responsibility for some children in this place. Did I sleep in? Where’s Charlie? I then worry about the sex. We had sex. This was not a huge surprise. It was headed in that direction, but last night felt different. I felt like myself with him and that’s because the sex wasn’t some slick operation, it was real. It felt like we could get everything wrong and we just laughed through it. And it was amazing to feel at ease, like I can lie there, and smile and chat and then have a mega orgasm halfway through all of that. I mean, I sang Lady Gaga. I’ve not done that, like ever.

But maybe that’s why he’s not here now? How do I check if he’s in the top bunk? Shall I kick the mattress? I think about itbut then I get worried it might dislodge some bed bugs who’d come to find me and my sweet blood.

‘Charlie?’ I loud whisper. Nothing. Shit, maybe he went to another room to escape me? I sit up on the edge of the bed and adjust my eyes. Maybe he got a glimpse of me this morning and it scared him off. I reach over to the side table and down a small bottle of water, thinking about the day ahead, herding children. Must get up. I stumble to my feet and make my way over to the bathroom, having a wee and then heading into the shower. This will heal my head, wake me up and get me ready for the day. I stand under the showerhead and let the hot water hit my face, a memory flooding back of us showering together yesterday after the aquarium, the moment where he backed me onto the wall with such urgency. But then I also think about last night. Last night was messier. I think about all the potential ways in which I may have embarrassed myself last night. Maybe he woke up sober and had some flashbacks from the rooftop dancing. I run some shampoo through my hair, rinsing the suds away and then get out to dry myself, wrapping myself in a white cardboard-feeling hostel towel, the terracotta tiles cool under my feet.

When I get out of the bathroom, I dig through my trolley bag to find clothes for the day, slipping some knickers on, looking at the teal shirt and wondering if I should just wear it for shits and giggles. It would at least keep the children amused especially as a certain aquarium video of ours has gone viral. I’ve had texts from Beth because even she’s seen it. I glance down at my phone, picking it up to scroll through messages and photos. Besides all the texts welcoming me to Spanish phone networks, naturally, the cousins are all very keen to hear about Seville and what has transpired. Lucy has even set up a group chat: Suzie’s Seville Sex Chat.

Bet you a tenner they’ve done it already.

On a balcony, with some flamenco music in the background.

It’s a school trip, I doubt it.

I reckon she’s taking the bull by the horns.

Got her hands on his chorizo.

I laugh to see the discussion in full flow.

You realise I am in this chat?

SUZIE! We’re just here because we live for the drama? What’s happening?

A lady never tells. My lips are sealed.

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