Page 38 of Hawke

Hawke scoffed, stepping away to give me breathing room. He ran his hand over his hair. It was a mess now. It was no longer gelled back and filled with hairspray, so the wind wouldn’t be too brutal on it.

“Yeah, I remember. You were the last one at the bar, like you always were, and I was drunk off my ass.” Hawke sat on the bed, resting his forearms on his legs. “But little did you know why I was so damn drunk, Dede. You just don’t know.”

I stepped forward, my fingers fidgeting and interlacing with one another. I was still in my robe, my hair almost dry, and I knew coming closer to him was going to ruin me. But I couldn’t help but inch toward him. I hated it when he was in pain, and maybe that was why I took the pain I had.

Because I wanted that little piece of him. If I couldn’t get love out of him, I wanted…the pain.

Wish I could afford therapy.

Hawke spread his legs. He pulled me in by my waist to have me stand in front of him.

“I was thinking about you; every time I drank, I thought of you.”

“That’s not very healthy,” I mumbled, fiddling with my fingers.

He chuckled. “No, it isn’t. But it dulled my emotions for you, for a while anyway. Then you had to sit across from me with such a determined look on your face and tell me you liked me.” He grinned up at me.

I blushed. It was such a twelve-year-old move, but after being around the guys for six months, I realized I couldn’t beat around the bush with them. You had to be straightforward and just spit out your intentions.

“You didn’t say anything back. I thought you were going to laugh at me.”

Hawke brushed away a drying lock of hair from my face, chuckling deeply. “No, I just didn’t know what to say back because I didn’t like you.”

My heart sank.

“I fucking loved you, Dede.”

My lips parted, my heart stopping. “You’re lying.”

He shook his head. “No, I’m pretty sure I fell for you as soon as I saw your messy bare feet trying to walk into a bookshop for an interview, but I was too damned stubborn to realize it until then.”

“So, then you hide your feelings?” I hissed at him, trying to push him away. “You loved me, and you couldn’t respond?”

I tugged at him, trying to get away, but he growled deeply and wrapped his arms around my waist, and his knees hit the floor.

What was this powerful man doing on the floor? Kneeling before me?

“There is something wrong with you, Hawke! Let me go!”

“And do you remember what I did after? After you told me you liked me?” His voice was muffled by my stomach. Tears formed in my eyes.

I squealed. “I don’t want to hear it! I don’t want to!” I covered my ears, and he pulled my arms down as I cried.

Hawke stood up, his hand gripping the back of my neck. “I wrapped my hand around your neck and kissed you like I’ve never kissed anyone in my life. I poured my soul into that kiss and every kiss after.”

I sniffed, tears messily dripping down my cheeks. “No.” I shook my head. His grip tightened around my neck. “No, you didn’t. If you did, you would have…would have…”

“Don’t you see, Delilah? I was trying to be the good guy. I was trying to be the knight in shining armor you deserved. You deserve the world, you see. You deserve a man dropping to his knees and worshiping the ground you walk on. A man with good morals that doesn’t have blood on his hands, who isn’t a darkened soul, and who doesn’t lead a life full of danger. You deserve the white picket fence. A man that will live a good life.”

I whimpered, his lips grazing my cheek and nestling up right next to my ear.

“But when you ran, I realized something.” He nipped my earlobe. “I’m too selfish to let you go. If I can’t be the perfect man for you, I’ll be the villain. I’ll be the dark one that hides in the shadows so you can dance in the sun. I’ll be your silent protector, the guard that will kill a man or woman that dares look at with you with lust.” He chuckled. “Because let’s be honest. I’ve come close to killing my own brothers who looked upon you with a wandering eye.”

He swallowed.

“And even though I can’t promise you I’ll be alive tomorrow, I’ll make sure you know every second that I am alive that I want you, love you, and I will be selfish enough to keep you until I can no longer breathe.”

And instead of feeling salty tears run down my face, I felt tears of arousal begin to run down my leg.

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