“What did he do?” Hawke's voice lowered. “Did he hit you?”
“Amongst other things.” I couldn’t look Hawke in the eye.
Shame bubbled inside me and the fear that both he and my friends at the Iron Fang would look at me in disgust rose to the surface. No one would ever look at me the same, would they?
Hawke pinched my chin, directing me to look into those deep pools of his eyes. His face softened considerably, his other hand rubbing against my cheek. I rubbed against it, trying to gain whatever warmth I could.
He waited patiently as I sighed heavily.
“I never knew my dad. All I ever knew was my mom and Grandma De,” I smiled. “Grandma De would watch me at night while my mom worked. Mom was an exotic dancer, and despite the bad rep that comes with that job, she really enjoyed the dancing part.”
Hawke cuddled me closer, his chin resting on my head. “One night, she came home and said she was engaged to some rich guy. She wouldn’t have to work anymore and told us we were moving to his big house the next day. As a five-year-old, I thought it was great. We would move out of our crummy apartment and have an actual house.”
“Did she not date the man? Why would your mother just agree?” He tried to remain calm, but I could feel his heart thrumming against my arm.
I shrugged my shoulders. “I was young. I don’t remember. But Grandma De, who I saw as my second mother, was old. She couldn’t take care of me for much longer, so she was happy for Mom. Grandma De died just a year later.”
“Shit, I’m not liking this so far,” Hawke muttered.
“Just wait,” I chuckled. “It gets worse.”
Hawke frowned.
“They got married, and then I got a new brother—Shane. We were introduced as siblings and really, he was the best big brother I could ask for.” I sniffed and felt my eyes brimming with tears. “Shane was five years older, but we did everything together. We made forts so big we could watch movies in them. We would eat candy, laugh, and even sleep in there together when the movie was over.” I gave a shaky smile. “He would drop everything when his friends were over and tuck me into bed. He’d read me stories, helped me with homework. I thought he was the best big brother ever.”
Hawke tightened his grip around me. My tears now flowed freely.
“Then one night, it all changed.”
A roaring purr settled in Hawke’s chest. It poured into my body, vibrating until I could compose myself. I hadn’t spoken to anyone about what had happened. And now, telling the one person I cared about the most, well, it was damned terrifying.
And so shameful.
“His bedroom was next to mine. I heard him yelling at his girlfriend, then his bedroom door slammed open, and I heard her leave. My door cracked open shortly after, and then Shane poked his head in. He looked like he’d been crying. His face was all red. I sat up in bed, and he asked me if he could stay with me that night.”
“I thought nothing of it. I was twelve, and he was my big brother–I wanted to make him feel better.” I gripped my fists together, feeling my nails pierce the skin. Hawke pried them open, shaking his head.
“We fell asleep. We stayed on two different sides of the bed. I fell asleep but sometime in the night, I felt him touching me.” I sobbed, shaking my head.
Hawke let out a low growl. It wasn’t just anger, it was made of pure fury. It rattled the bed, and the pictures on the wall fell to the floor. The shock shook the dark memories from my mind, and I redirected my attention to his face.
Dark. Murderous. Terrifying.
And kinda hot.
“What else?” He gripped my chin to meet his gaze.
I could tell he wanted to ask for more details. He continued to part his lips, shutting them, closing them tightly. His nose flared, and the thick veins that trailed up his neck continued to bulge.
“After that, I always gave excuses not to let him sleep with me anymore. I felt so dirty afterwards. He was my brother. I know we’re not blood related, but he was a brother to me.” I nibbled on my lip.
“Of course you would feel that way. You were young, and you saw him as such. He fucking took advantage of you, Dede.”
I nodded, agreeing.
Just wait, it gets worse.
“At the time, I didn’t fully understand what was going on, but looking back now that I am older, there were signs of his obsession growing.”