Page 2 of Forgive Me Father: For I Have Sinned

Seattle, twelve hours later…

EVEN THOUGH I’D NEVERbeen here before, hell I’d never been anywhere, but even so to my untraveled eyes, I knew the bus station wasn’t in the best of locations.Why had my father chosen Seattle of all places?Slinking off the bus after being stuck on it for so long, I stood beneath the metal awning as the rain fell in the dead of night, contemplating my next move while stretching my sore muscles.

Growing up in a town of seven thousand people, I’d not been subjected to life outside of it except for what I’d seen on tv. No high school diploma, no money, and I couldn’t remember the last time I’d even eaten and was feeling the ache in the pit of my growling stomach. Alone, confused, beyond frightened, I stepped inside the bus station to get out of the rain to try and figure out what in the hell I was going to do.

For hours I sat without anyone bothering me. Invisibility was a cloak I’d worn for most of my life. No one understood me and seemed to be angered by my mere presence. Just as I was dozing off, laid across three of the uncomfortable plastic chairs in the lobby, a group of kids walked in. The majority of them appeared to be around my age. A gust of wind followed them, swinging the door wide open as they scampered to close it. Once secured, they proceeded to ask the handful of people inside if they could spare some change. One man got angry, shoving the smallest boy in the group so hard he landed on his butt on the ground as the man muttered something aboutstreet urchinsbefore storming off. It didn’t appear like things were going to be any better here than they’d been back home.

I watched as they started to leave and just as they’d reached the exit, one of the boys, the tallest one looked past his shoulder, his eyes locking on me. Abandoning the others at the door, he turned and walked over.

“Are you okay?” he asked me, wearing the first genuine look of concern I’d ever received.

“I’m not sure anymore,” I answered honestly.

“Do you have somewhere to go?”

“No,” I told him as tears brimmed my eyes.

“We don’t have much, but you can come with us. That is if you want to. I’m Cole by the way. What’s your name?”

“Jamie.” I stood, following him to where the rest of the kids quietly waited, eyeing us curiously as we neared. Cole introduced me to each, in turn, telling me their names; Kyle, Robert, Jason, and the little one who I saw the man push was named Tommy.

“What happened to your face?” Tommy asked me, his eyes opened so wide I thought they might pop out of their sockets.

“Someone hit me because they didn’t like what I was doing.”

“Did you do something bad?” Tommy’s question caused each of them to stop walking to stare at me.Were they afraid I’d do something bad to them? Would they hate me too for who I am?

“I didn’t think so, but my dad did,” I mumbled more to myself while staring down at my scuffed sneakers.

“Come on,” Cole said, drawing my attention. “Let’s go.”

I lagged behind the group, taking in my surroundings as best I could in the dark of night. The further we walked, the more scared I became. I felt as though I may have made a horrible decision. When we neared the end of the street, we turned the corner and entered an alleyway where Cole pulled back a piece of loose chain link fencing. One by one, the boys crawled underneath it and trekked through the slushy mud. Having no other option, I continued following them across the vacant lot.

At the far corner of it stood an old wooden shed, it reminded me of the one we kept tools in on the farm. When we reached it, Cole pulled a key out of his pocket and opened the lock that was attached to a bar keeping the door sealed. Once we were all inside and out of the rain, he locked it behind us before lighting an old kerosene lantern. When my eyes adjusted to the brightness, the reality of what my life had been reduced to hit me like a ton of bricks.

“It’s not much, well, it’s not really anything but a shit-hole, but it’s the only home we’ve got,” Cole said, solemnly.

“All…all of you live here?” I stuttered, looking at each sad face in turn.

“It’s better than where we came from,” Cole spoke for the group. “I’m guessing that beating you got came from someone you trusted.”

I nodded, too overwhelmed to speak.

“You mentioned your dad not liking what you were doing. Was it him?”

Again, all I could manage was a nod.

“Kyle and Tommy are my brothers. Well, we ran away from the same foster home. The adults thought we were human punching bags too. Not sure if it’s good or bad, but no one’s come looking for us. We’ve been on our own for a while now. Robert there,” he pointed to the boy standing beside me, “well, he can tell you his story when he’s ready to. Same with Jason.”

Two filthy, twin size mattresses were set atop milk crates with pieces of wood lying across them to hold the mattresses up. The floor beneath the shed was dirt, but at least everything was dry. Cole pulled a box out from underneath of one of the beds and started handing out crackers to everyone. “Sorry boys, this is all we’ve got for tonight. Can try to go out tomorrow and find a way to get some real food.” No one said a word as we ate in silence, sharing a single bottle of water between the six of us.

“You can bunk with Robert and Jason. Kyle, Tommy and I will take this one,” he pointed to the bed the three of them were already sitting on. Robert and Jason still hadn’t spoken a single word, but kicked off their shoes and crawled into bed as soon as Cole did. It was clear that Cole was the leader of the group. Once I’d situated myself lying along the edge of the mattress, not wanting to touch them and risk freaking them out, Robert covered us with the tattered blanket they were using.

I rolled onto my side away from them and silently cried.

No clocks, no windows, no concept of time, we woke when our bodily urges called to us. And in this tight space, when one moved everyone knew.

“Come on guys,” Cole said, bending over to tie his shoes. “Let’s head to the gas station then over to the bagel shop. We can fish the day-old bagels out of the dumpster before the other guys do. Grab the empty water bottle so we can fill it up.”

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