Page 28 of Forgive Me Father: For I Have Sinned

BUTCH STAYED TRUE TOhis word and the next day after he got me settled in at home, he went to talk to Marcus about the bouncer job. I couldn’t imagine it paid anywhere near what he was probably making doing private security, but I did know after the last contract he had that he wasn’t happy with his current employment. He came back a couple of hours later to check on me with a tray of food in hand.

“Hey gorgeous,” he said, setting the tray on the bedside table. “ow are you feeling?”

“Hungry, sore. What smells so good?” I asked.

“Brought you some soup and a grilled cheese sandwich. Here, sit up and I’ll fix the pillows behind you.”

Damn, was this guy for real? “Thank you,” I told him, leaning back into a much more comfortable position.

He sat the tray across my lap before scooting around beside me. There was food for two on it, which meant he was joining me for our picnic in bed. Feeling like shit or not, this was one of the nicest things anyone had ever done for me. Butch was constantly blowing me away with his unyielding kindness and generosity.

Butch dipped a corner of one of the sandwich halves into the broth and fed it to me. That first bite hit my tongue and woke the rest of my body, and my empty stomach growled. “Sorry,” I mumbled with a full mouth.

“Don’t be, it’s been more than twenty-four hours since you last ate. Eat up,” he lovingly ordered. Not another word was spoken while we ate. I was starved, when the tray was empty, he took it to the kitchen, returning with a glass of water and my pain meds.

He curled up in bed beside me, enveloping me in the warmth of his arms. “I love you, baby,” he whispered into my hair.

“I love you too,” my filterless, foggy head allowed what I’d been too afraid to say sober come out without a second thought. I felt his lips on the top of my head before fading out.

When I woke, I found the bed beside me empty and wondered if I’d dreamed it or if I’d really told Butch how I felt. Gingerly, I scooted out of bed and across the hall to the restroom. Through the heating vents, I could hear someone rattling around in the kitchen. I brushed my teeth and attempted to fix my hair, but it was a matted mess, and in desperate need of washing so I hopped in the shower and washed it as best I could. Every muscle in my body ached, tightening in protest.

I took longer than normal, and when I emerged from the steam filled bathroom, I opened the door to Butch’s concerned face.

“I was just about to send in a search party. Are you okay?” he asked rubbing my forearm.

“Yeah, was just a little more challenging than I’d anticipated,” I said, leaning into him. His arms instantly wrapped around me.My safe place,I thought as my head rested against his chest like it belonged there.

“I made breakfast, you hungry?” in typical Butch fashion, he ended it with a kiss to the top of my head. I have to say, I’ve grown quite fond of that sentiment.

“Breakfast?” I asked, surprised. “I slept straight through the night?”Wow, those must be some great meds.

“Ha-ha, yes you were out of it. Do you remember anything from last night?” His question laced with doubt and concern. I knew what he was getting at, and it was time I took the high road and quit holding Butch at arm’s length. We’d been dating for six months and not once had he done anything that would lead me to believe he wasn’t in it for the long haul. He always treats me with respect and damn near killed someone for hurting me.

“Hmm, let me think…” I trailed off, breaking our embrace while tapping a finger against my chin. “I remember soup, grilled cheese, cuddles. What else is there?” I threw my arms up dramatically, instantly regretting it, but it was the effect my dramatic overtone warranted. “Oh yeah, now I remember.” He stood motionless, staring anxiously back at me. “Something about love. Hmm, no clue,” I finished, walking off towards the kitchen.

“Whoa, whoa, there sunshine.” He slid his arm around my waist from behind, carefully pulling me back to him in a manner that wouldn’t cause my broken ribs any further discomfort. “You don’t get to play that one off.” He turned me in his arms, to face him. “So, what’s it to be?”

I wrapped my arms around his neck, stared him down and repeated those four little words that terrified me to no end. “I love you, Butch.”

His mouth came down on mine in such a rush it stole my breath away.

“Just for the record,” he said as our lips dislodged and met again. “I love you too. Now, let’s get you fed.” When we’d both had our fill of pancakes, we worked in tandem cleaning up the kitchen. I swear I had an out of body experience, hovering overhead and watching the domestic situation unfolding in front of me. Sign of the future? I sure as hell hoped so. For the first time in my life, I found myself moving past hoping and diving straight into wanting it to be a permanent thing.

“So,” I began, shaking myself from the revered delusion, “next weekend is your twenty-ninth birthday old man,” I threw that in for good measure, so he flicked soap suds at my face.

“Tell the old man something he doesn’t know.”

“Any plans?” I asked, drying the last plate and putting it away in the cupboard overhead.

“Well, this old man was going to ask his boyfriend if he’d like to go to Whidbey Island and meet the old man’s parents.”

“Meet…parents…” I paused mid-sentence.Parents.He reached over, taking the knife I was drying from my hand and setting it aside.

“Breathe, Jamie. It’s not as intense as your gorgeous head is making it out to be. Besides, I know they’ll love you.” When I still didn’t move, he guided me over to the dining chair, urging me to sit. “I definitely didn’t expect this response and to be totally honest, you’re scaring the shit out of me. I’ll call and cancel.”

“No!” I said, or more like yelled and he flinched. “Sorsorry. Didn’t mean to yell. Don’t cancel.”

Breathe Jamie, one in, one out. Repeat.

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