Page 18 of Social Sinners

“I hope our love is enough.” A few minutes later, River came in and handed me a cup of coffee while Benny sat a box of tissues on the coffee table. “Why didn’t you guys tell me he was this far gone? You’ve been with him more than I have these last couple of weeks.”

“Dude, we took him to the appointments and brought him home. Every time he said he had work to do and shut himself in your room. He wasn’t acting crazy or being weird. He just looked tired, which is nothing new,” River explained.

“I should’ve known. I feel like a fucking failure for letting him down.” Even the taste of coffee failed to please me. It was like swallowing a bitter pill. How could I not have known what was going on or seen the warning signs?

“I’m sorry bro,” Jay said, wrapping a comforting arm around my shoulder. “It’ll be okay, it has to be.”

I wished I felt an ounce of the positivity coming from the affirmations they were sharing, but I didn’t. My entire world just came crashing down around me, and there wasn’t a fucking thing I could do but sit and wait. Patience wasn’t a virtue that I possessed, not that I possessed many, but lying in wait wasn’t going to go well for me. Now that we were on a break being alone would be even harder to handle and having nothing but time on my hands was gonna be a bitch to contend with. I can’t think of a day that’s gone by in the last year that I didn’t see Easton. He’d only been gone for a short while, and already I missed him.

I sent a silent prayer to whatever deity may have been listening to take care of him and bring him back to me. To make him whole again and help heal his pain.

Benny curled up on my lap, filling me with a sense of calm that I so desperately needed. Jay sat silently beside me while River and Mickey cleaned up the mess in our room. I probably should’ve been the one to do it, but they insisted I stay put.

“Come on Benny,” Mickey said, lifting him up after they’d finished. His legs wound around Mickey’s waist, and he looked like a spider monkey. The little guy had wormed his way into my heart, and I was thankful he and River had come into our lives. As with my band brothers, their friendship knew no boundaries and meant just as much to me.

Jay and I walked to my room in silence. He followed me in and turned on the T.V., plopping down on the bed and scanning the channels for something mindless to put on. I showered, and when I came out, he was kicked back leaning against the headboard, still channel surfing.

“In case I haven’t told you,” I said as I got comfortable, “I’m beyond thrilled to have you back in my life.”

“Me too, bro,” he replied, and I’d never been happier for repeat central, middle of the night T.V. before. It helped me relax enough that I was finally able to doze off. Only to be woken by my annoying ass ringtone a couple of hours later.

“Diamond,” I groaned into it, hearing my brother soundly snoring beside me.

“Diamond, it’s Sal. Sorry to call so early, but I just heard from Dr. Linden. She’s headed home so I told her I’d call you so she wouldn’t have to worry about that.”

Now I was wide awake. “How’s East?”

“He was worse off more than we’d thought. They found Xanax and Trazadone in his system as we’d feared, but they also found Vicodin.”

“Fuck,” I muttered.

“Yes. Dr. Linden said he really should’ve been dead. The amount he had in his system was lethal and had he taken another pill he would’ve overdosed. He was on a path of self-destruction and is under suicide watch because of it. Easton has a long battle ahead of him. How are you holding up, son?”

“I don’t even know anymore, Sal,” I said, which wasn’t a lie. “He had my fucking loaded gun in his hand.”

“The thought of what could’ve happened if you…” Sal paused, choking up, “that will haunt me. We both missed the signs, the level of severity with Easton’s condition. I can’t imagine the toll this is taking on you but please, don’t beat yourself up over this– it isn’t your fault but know that I’m here for you if you need me. There’s nothing more we can do, it’s all up to him now but I know you of all people will have a hard time sitting idle.”

He knew me better than I sometimes did. “When can we see him?”

“They’ll keep us updated, but we’re looking at two weeks as of right now. Easton needs to detox, and they have a no visitors policy during that time. After that, they’ll have their work cut out for them trying to help him get these nightmares under control. I hope for his sake, they’re successful.”

“Me too, Sal, me too.”

“Try and get some rest, if I hear anything, you’ll be the first person I call.”

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