Page 23 of Social Sinners

Chapter Eight

Later that night, I leaned against the railing out on the hotel balcony, staring mindlessly at the blackness that I knew was the ocean. I recounted the eerie details Easton had shared during his session earlier, from that fateful night. I couldn’t avoid my brain creating its own visual put to Easton’s words, and I fucking lost it. I grieved for Rob and the horrific way his life ended, and I cried for Easton who’d been reliving this, countless nights over the last year.Even the strong will fall, I thought as the meltdown consumed me until my eyes were nearly swollen shut. I was mentally and physically drained.

Depression doesn’t segregate.

Depression doesn’t care if you’re rich, poor, skinny, fat, short, or tall. Depression is its own beast for which many battle in silence. Plastering a smile on their face while behind it, their struggles run rampant, choking them to death. The condemning voices in their heads, continually berating them until they can’t take it anymore. When they reach their breaking point, they either claw their way to the surface or call it quits. Forcing the inevitable end, which is the point I knew Easton had been at when they carted him off. Thank fuck he wasn’t successful.

“Fucking hell,” I cursed aloud, taking a long pull from the beer I had in hand as I collapsed on the deck chair. I grabbed my phone, dialing my much-needed lifeline. My brothers.

“Dude, how’s Easton?” Mickey answered forgoing a hello. I could hear Benny in the background, yelling, “Is it Boo? Is he okay?”I chuckled, realizing just how much I needed them, how much I needed this connection. Our bond may be unconventional to some, but it worked for our family dynamic because we fit each other like a glove.

“Tell the little man I’m fine but today was fucking intense.” Which was putting it mildly.

“Joey and Stoli asked if I’d heard from you, mind if I conference them in and put you on speaker so my men will calm down?”

How he handledtwoboyfriends I’d never know, seems I was challenged with just the one, “Yeah, it’ll make it easier. I won’t have to repeat myself.” He put me on hold as he connected the calls.

“Yo bro,” Stoli said as he came on the line.

“Hey Diamond, how’s East?” Joey asked.

“We’re here too, Boo,” Benny sang in the background.

“Hey guys,” I replied after they finished checking in.

“Is that the ocean I hear?” Mickey asked.

“Yeah, I’m sitting on the balcony enjoying a beer. Trying to get past today’s shit.”

“Are you at liberty to share any of it?” Stoli inquired.

“Easton told me at dinner that I could tell you guys as much or as little as I felt was necessary, but he wants this kept between our group, please. Sal’s managed to keep this off the media’s radar, and I’d like it to stay that way.”

“Agreed,” the group said as one.

“Fuck, man. The blood test they took when he was brought in showed three different meds in his system. Doses high enough that they said he could’ve died had we not got to him when we did. They kept him on suicide watch for the first two weeks he was here. None of the pills were illegal… well except he shouldn’t have had the Vicodin because it wasn’t his prescription, but now he’s not taking anything. The therapy in Seattle clearly wasn’t doing the trick. So, today he was put under hypnosis, and I was there to hear every graphic detail; from seeing Rob die to when East woke in the hospital,” I downed the rest of my beer like a shot and grabbed another from the ice bucket.

“Shit, I don’t even wanna know,” Stoli said. Having almost lost Joey that night, I’m sure he had demons of his own he was struggling with.

“Exactly,” I said, letting him know I understood where he was coming from.

“While you’re out there taking care of him, who’s taking care of you?” Mickey surprised me by asking. I was always the one who acted like shit bounced off me. It was my way of keeping people from fussing. Now, I wasn’t so sure I didn’t need a shoulder to lean on. I’d been battling my own shit in silence.

“I’ll be fine,” I assured them, hoping my brain would absorb those words, and it would come to fruition.

“Say the word, and we’re on the next plane out,” Stoli told me, and I knew that was a rock-solid truth. We were always there for each other, without question.

Family doesn’t need blood to form a bond, it only needs to have a heart, and heart we all had.

“I know you guys would, but I’ll be all right. I told his doctor I was staying around until he was released. A lot hinges on how well tonight goes and if he sleeps. They hope that the hypnosis did its job and the nightmares will end as a result of it. Doc said he’ll be here until at least Saturday. When he gets out, I’m gonna take him away for a few days while Brett finishes the house. Is Jay there?”

“Nah, he’s been hanging out with those kids from Lambert, Nathan and Randy. He seems to be doing good, though,” Mickey told me.

“Great, thanks man for taking him in. It means a lot to me. I’m sure he just needed to break free from our fucked up parental units,” I told them, knowing how much better I felt when that weight was lifted from me the night we graduated. I won’t deny that it hurt like hell, but finally able to escape the fear I lived in, helped take the pain away.

“Hey D,” River chimed in. I’d almost forgotten he was there, “I’ll be online later if you want to play some Xbox.”

“Oh? Game on, surfer boy, get ready to have your ass handed to you,” I kidded with him. Everyone laughed and just like that things were back to normal. Well, as normal as they could be in this situation. The suite I was booked in was equipped with all the bells and whistles including an Xbox, which I’m sure I had Sal to thank for. I’ve never been more thankful for having gamer buddies than I was right now. Taking down some virtual perps was just what I needed to take my mind off everything.

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