Page 25 of Social Sinners

Chapter Nine

I was surprised to find that he had a private room and restroom. It was actually nicer than some of the hotels we’d stayed in during our earlier band years. I should’ve expected this wouldn’t be a sterile hospital type environment. They spared no expense when it came to keeping the occupants comfortable. No longer did these places resemble the creepy asylums that horror movies depict. Sal had the hotel manager where I was staying pack my bag, and the rehab facility sent a courier over to retrieve it.

“Whew,” I whistled, tossing my bag down on the chair, “nice room, but where’s the T.V.?”

“It’s not too bad. The T.V. is in the community room, and the staff control what we watch. On Friday and Saturday they do movie nights, but again what we watch is at their discretion,” Easton said, coming up behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist. “I don’t think they have cameras in here.”

I glanced over my shoulder at him, brow raised. “Naughty boy.”

“Yeah, but I’m your naughty boy.”

I turned, scooping him up, “that you are.” We fell back onto the bed, wrapped in errant tongues and body parts. Staring down at the beautiful man in my arms reminded me just how lucky I was. When I brushed the hair off his forehead, he smiled back at me, God how I missed seeing him smile, “I love you East,” and I meant it with every fiber of my being.

“I love you too. Thank you for coming here and helping me.”

“There’s no need to thank me. We’re in this together, and I’ll always be there for you.”

“I think this goes above and beyond,” he toyed with the buttons on my shirt, slowly undoing one when a knock came at the door.

“That will be our dinner.” I stood, pulling him up with me before answering. The eyes of the kid making the delivery lit up when he saw me, and I hoped he had to sign the same disclaimer that I had. He said not a word as he sat our trays down on the table, nodded and left just as quickly as he’d come.

“I seriously hope that kid keeps his mouth shut,” I told Easton, taking the seat across from him at the two-person table.

“You and me both.”

After dinner, we strolled around the grounds. It was tranquil there in the dark, with the gravel pathways illuminated by solar lighting. Stars shone brightly in the night sky. We could hear the waves crashing along the shoreline, but the moonlight only allowed us to see so far. After we made our way around, we landed at the same bench as the day before, holding hands and enjoying the light breeze as it blew past. The salt smell in the air made me breathe deeply, trying to inhale as much of the natural calmative as I could. It rushed through me, my body absorbing what it needed to replenish the strain the current situation had taken on it.

“I’ve spent so much time out here on this bench, thinking,” Easton said, breaking the silence.

“What did you think about?” I asked, my thumb gently stroking circles on the backside of his hand.

“Me, the band, my parents, the crash. But mostly about you and me.”

“Anything in particular about us?” I wanted his thoughts to be positive, but given the circumstances, it could’ve gone either way.

“Mostly good. Did I launch a lamp at your head that night?” he asked. I’d hoped he’d selectively forgotten about that. About that whole night, seeing as he was in somewhat of a trance during it but it seemed he didn’t.

I tried making a joke of it, laughing, “Yeah, but I’m sure on some level I deserved it.”

He leaned his head against my shoulder, “no, my love, you didn’t deserve it. Nor did you deserve the constant uncontrollable outbursts associated with my condition. I wasn’t myself, and for that, I’m so beyond sorry.”

“I know,” I whispered, kissing his curls. I knew all along Easton’s problems were getting worse, and yet I did nothing to help him get them under control. What kind of boyfriend does that make me? No wonder he ignored my proposal. I’d let things reach the point of no return, and Easton imploded. He damn near died when I should’ve gotten Sal involved a hell of a lot sooner. He thinks I can do better than him? Seems to me it’s the other way around. “Easton, why did you have my gun?”

“I wanted to end it all. Every day kept getting worse. Thoughts of blowing my brains out consumed me. It was the way out I needed to make the voices stop. If you didn’t come in when you did, we wouldn’t be sitting here now.”

“East,” my feeble protest came out choked as I fought back the emotions rushing to the surface from his words. Life without Easton was no life I wanted. “How long had you been thinking of ending it?”

He blew out a breath, “For a while. In the beginning, it was whenever I wasbeyondtired. When the nightmares morphed to daymares, thoughts of killing myself came more frequently. I knew where you kept your gun. I knew that it was loaded. I knew all I had to do was put it to my head and pull the trigger– once, and it would be over, and the pain would go away. I could sleep again, torment free.”

“Come on,” he stood, holding his hand out to me, “we need to get back inside. Lights out is at ten, and it’s nine forty-five. I, for one, do not want to piss off the hulking man who retrieves the rule breakers,” he said with a smile, but all happiness left me with his suicidal declaration. Knowing that made the expense of purchasing the gun safe more than worth its weight in gold.

We walked back inside in silence, even undressed and showered the same way. When we finally laid down, I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him tightly to me, never wanting to let him go.But how could I protect him now when I’d failed so miserably before?

“Tell me East,” I said, kissing the top of his head, “if you could go anywhere in the world to get away from life for a few days, where would that be?”

“Hmm, let me think. Hey, where’s your phone?” he asked me. I snagged it off the nightstand and handed it to him. He opened the camera app. “Smile,” he said, snapping a few pics of us. One was just a headshot with both of us looking at the camera, another was of him kissing my cheek and lastly one of us kissing which quickly heated and the phone was cast aside. When we came up for air, he mumbled, “Hawaii.”

“Hawaii?” I questioned, having lost the blood flowing to my brain as that kiss had diverted it to another organ.

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