Page 40 of Social Sinners

Chapter Fourteen

My folk's house in Everett was only a fifteen-minute drive from our place. Neither Jay nor I spoke a word on the way there. I’m sure we were both struggling with multiple things internally. He’d seen a different side of our mother than I had and while our father was an ass to us, he was still our father, and I know that weighed heavily in my mind and probably his too.

We pulled up and sat there in silence, staring out at the house we’d both grown up in. The anger building up inside me was inevitable. It was the same rush I’d felt each and every time I had to come back when I was a kid. The only difference was this time my tormenter was no longer there.

Jay got out first, and I lagged behind watching as he retrieved the key from the base of the hanging bird feeder on the front porch and let us in. Nothing had changed since I left. The same old furniture sat in the same exact spots. Although now all mine and my brother's school photos had been removed from the walls. They hadn’t repainted so the outlines the frames left behind were visible on the starch, white surface. So sterile, so lifeless this environment was. Like time had forgotten it and its occupants. We passed through the living room and into the back of the house where the kitchen was. Which was where we found mom sitting at the dining table, a cup of coffee sat in front of her as she stared off, lost in thought. She didn’t even hear us enter, which was slightly unnerving.

“Mom?” Jay asked, not sure what state of mind she was in, and I’m sure he didn’t want to touch her without announcing our arrival first. When she didn’t respond, he took the seat across from her, snapping her to.

“Jeremiah,” she hollered bursting into tears, then finally looking up she noticed me standing beside her. “Oh my sweet Ethan,” she rose, cupping my face in her tiny hands. “I’ve missed you so much.” She wrapped her arms around my midsection, and I hugged her in return. She felt so frail and breakable, the stress of the life she lived had really aged her. Mom was still a beautiful woman, her dark hair piled up in a tight bun. But the life she was forced into had really taken its toll, and you could see it in her tired eyes. The same green eyes I’d inherited and saw staring back at me every time I looked in the mirror.

“Hey, Mom.” I didn’t know what else to say. The way she reacted when she saw me threw me off guard. Although I’d relaxed enough that my jaw unclenched.

“Can I get you boys something to eat?” She moved toward the stove.

“No Mom, we already ate, but thanks. Here,” I pulled the chair out for her, “have a seat. Let’s talk.” She nodded and didn’t question me as she sat. “How are you holding up?”

“I’m not too sure. Overwhelmed? Sad. Is it bad that I also feel relieved?” She glanced from me to Jay, then back again. “I never wanted you to leave, but I understood why you did and was proud of you for doing it,” She reached out, taking one of my hands and one of Jay’s in each of hers. “And you too, Jay. I’m so happy my boys are together again. How are you, Ethan?”

“I’m doing really well, Mom. Just bought a house with my boyfriend,” I paused, letting that sink in with her and gauge her reaction.

“I couldn’t be happier for you, son. Do you have someone special in your life, Jay?” she asked, sincerely interested, which surprised me.

“I do. Maybe you’d like to meet our boyfriends sometime?” Jay posed the question.

“I’d like that. I’m not gonna lie, this is new to me, but if they’re important to you then they are important to me. I made a list of things people are telling me I need to do. Unfortunately, I don’t know where to begin. This is all just too much.” She pulled a fresh tissue from the box, dabbing at her eyes. Of course, her makeup and hair were done. I can’t remember a day I didn’t wake to find her already dressed and ready to start the day.

“Here, let me take a look.” She’d jotted down the basics, funeral, bank accounts, life insurance, church, house. “Mom, where did dad keep his important papers?” He had her on an allowance for as long as I could remember. He controlledliterally,everything in her life, so it made perfect sense why she’d been out of the loop on these things.

“I think it’s in his office downstairs, if not it’ll be in his church office. I can’t wait to be rid of that damn thing,” she blurted out.

I laughed, having never heard my mother curse before, “Church?”

“Yes, that thing has been the bane of my existence. It was handed down from one bastard to another.” That statement right there further drove home Jay’s comment about her being miserable all these years. It was sad, I honestly did not know the woman who’d given birth to me, and I was now thankful my grandfather had died before I got to know him, especially since she’d referred to him as a bastard.

“Mom, my boyfriend Easton is our band manager. Most of these items are right in his wheelhouse. Would it be okay if I asked him to come over and sort through Dad’s papers for us?” I readied myself for her to decline the offer.

She once again didn’t balk at the use of the word. “That would be lovely dear. Thank you, Ethan.” I handed the list to Jay and left the room to make the call.

When I came back in, she and Jay were discussing the house. “I really don’t want to be here anymore,” she was telling him.

“Then sell it,” Jay said, point blank. He knew I’d never turn her away so she’d have a room with us for as long as she needed.

“And go where?” she asked.

“I have an idea. Why don’t you let me buy you a nice condo in a secured building, Mom? Until then, you can stay with us,” I offered, this time surprising myself. The words flowed without over thinking them first.

“I’m sure if I sell the house, I’ll have the money to buy it for myself. Don’t you think?” she asked me.

“I do, but then you’d have to stay here until it sold. We have a guest room at our house that has its own private bathroom. Why don’t you pack up some things and come home with us?” I didn’t know where this was coming from but seeing her in such a state seemed to have washed away my anger. No longer did I see the woman who let her husband beat and berate my brother and me, repeatedly. But I saw someone who’d been stuck in the same fucked up situation as we had. I wanted, no I needed to help her, and I finally had the means to do so.

Again, she looked back and forth between the two of us, carefully weighing her decision, “I think being with my boys right now is the best therapy for me.”

Mom headed upstairs to begin packing, Jay brought the luggage from the basement to her while I waited for Easton to arrive.

“Hey, East,” I greeted him with a kiss, not giving two shits what the neighbors thought. “Come in and meet Mom.”

“How’s it going?” he asked, messenger bag in hand. I swear that thing was glued to his side.

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