Page 6 of Pity the Living, Not the Dead

“Liam,” I said as I came upon him.

“Shit.” He jumped, startled by my voice. “I didn’t hear you walk up. You got here fast. You must live nearby.”

I did not. I lived in a secluded area near the Cascades, but I couldn’t tell him that.Not yet, at least.“Not too far away.” The shy smile he gave as I took the seat beside him did a number on me. “So,” I said, doing my best to shake it off. “What brings you here tonight?”

“Just wanted to, um…” Liam mumbled, turning his hands over in his lap. Nervousness radiated from him. I took his hands in mine, hoping that would calm him. He drew in a breath, blew it out, then finished. “Honestly, I was hoping to see you again.”

Could he be any more adorable? I wanted to devour him, in more than ways than one.I bet his blood tastes so rich, so full. So …untainted.His rapidly beating heart called to me. Staring into those deep, soulful green eyes, I knew I would never be able to say no to him. To deny Liam of anything he wanted would not come easily.What the fuck was wrong with me?

“You have my number, Liam. You only need to press send.”Except during daylight hours when I cannot answer you.Ugh, the first time I found someone I wanted to be around, and I could not share my secrets with them. Secrets I needed to divulge if he was ever going to understand why things had to be the way they were.

“I texted, but it took a while to hear back. You were probably…” he trailed off.

“Busy,” I finished for him. “I often have my phone off when dealing with particularly challenging clients. I would never purposely ignore you, Liam,” I said, doing my best to explain without going into detail. It was far too soon to do so. Even to my ears it sounded dishonest, and that was not how I wanted things to start off between us. But I could not have him thinking less of himself because I was incapable of responding in a timely fashion. “Have you eaten?”

“Yes, earlier with my parents.”

“Are you the only sibling left living at home?”

“Yes, and it’s overwhelming. The others are in and out all the time, so I never have a moment’s peace. As soon as they leave and my parents go to bed, I sneak out. I know I’m an adult and shouldn’t have to, but they don’t treat me like one, and this is the result of it. I wander around while they sleep. Most kids sneak out to get into trouble, do normal kid stuff. I never considered doing those things for even a moment, and I feel like I’ve missed out on so much of life,” Liam admitted. “Not that I’m looking for trouble, but it would be nice to let loose every once in a while.”

I wrapped my arm around his shoulders, tucking him against my side. “Liam, you won’t be your own man until you take a stand. I understand they are your parents, and you live in their home. Maybe it is time to start looking for a place of your own?”

“Will you help me?”

“As best I can. I’m busy during the day, but if any places would let you look at them later in the evening, I’d be more than willing to accompany you.”I would actually insist upon it.

“Thank you, that means a lot to me. I know we hardly know each other but I, umm,” Liam stuttered, “I like being around you.”

His admittance worked its way beneath another layer of my stone-cold heart.

Is this what it felt like to have a crush?

Is it possible to feel this way so quickly after meeting someone?

These new feelings of wanting to drown in another. Your skin, prickling with the need to have that person near you at all times, to possess the ability to reach out and touch when the desire arises. So foreign, invasive, yet craved so deep within you that you can’t control it. After our first meeting, I had lain awake, consumed with thoughts of nothing but Elijah. I hadn’t smiled this much in I didn’t know how long, if ever. It took all I had to not rapid-fire text him throughout the day. I was glad I stuck to a single text, or I would’ve driven myself crazier waiting for multiple messages to be returned. I felt like such a naive virgin, which I knew I was, but still, no matter how hard I tried to play it cool, it was not coming naturally. I was more awkward than usual, which was saying a lot. Did Elijah see me as a kid or as someone he would like to…get to know better?You will never know unless you ask, Liam.

“What’s that look for?” Elijah asked as I flushed at my wayward thoughts while we walked along the waterfront. The desire to hold his hand was hard to suppress, especially when my fingers grazed his in stride.

“Just, um, wondering about stuff.”

“Stuff such as?”

“Like, us stuff.”

“Us?” He raised a questioning brow, and I feared his imminent rejection.

Once again feeling the inevitable sting of defeat, I slumped. “Never mind.” Oftentimes I wondered if one day my shoulders would remain concave. Would I ever be able to say what I thought or felt to anyone? Or would I always be this limp noodle version of myself? Recoiling at the slightest brush-off and never standing my ground.

“Liam,” Elijah said, cupping my chin and turning my head toward him. “You need to use your words. Never be afraid to ask me anything.”

Mentally, I shook myself.He’s given you an opening, Liam, it’s now or never.“Can we? I mean, would you? Ugh, I’m fucking hopeless.” Perfect opportunity, and I blew it.Liam – 0, lack of balls – 3.

“Okay, the first thing we are working on is your self-esteem,” Elijah stated. Not what I wanted to hear, even though I knew it was needed.

“Great, now I’m your pet project. For the record, that wasn’t what I was going to ask for.”

“I told you to use your words. You are not a child, and I do not want or need a pet or a project, Liam. I refuse to sit around and watch you or others cast your thoughts and feelings aside. Now, once again, what did you want to ask me?”

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