“This is one fight you can’t win, Conan.”
I swear to God, he sniffles like he’s about to cry. Why is this so damn hard?
He deserves this. He’s evil. But the longer I’m in his presence, the less I’m sure I truly believe that.
“Even as friends?” he whispers.
I try to push him away, but he doesn’t budge.
“Nothing. You are nothing to me.”
He nods and steps back. The further away he gets from me, the more it feels like my chest is closing in.
“You’ll always be everything to me, Hallie. Even if you hate me for the rest of your life. I’ll love you until I die. You are my first and only love, trouble.”
He takes in a shaky breath.
“Is this what you came here for? Or is it more flowers? Cars? Gifts won’t make this right.” I stare at the three bouquets of flowers still dying on my doorstep.
“I know, Hallie. I know that. I—I’m just lost. I’m trying. I want to give you space, but I don’t want you to think I’m giving up. But then I come here just because I’m desperate to see your face. I don’t know. In my fucked-up brain, I’m thinking eventually you’ll see I’m not the man you think I am. That I am the Conan you fell for. And that you’ll hear me out, properly. You’ll let me back in. That’s all I want. A chance to make this right, Hallie. To prove to you that I can be the man you need. Because I don’t know if I can live the rest of my life without you, so I at least need to try every damn thing I can think of, just in case you do, one day, decide you don’t hate me anymore.”
His voice breaks, and he rubs his hands over his eyes. I want to go to him. I hate seeing him like this. And his words—they hurt me deep in my core.
And maybe one day, he will be right. I’ll see him for the man I fell in love with.
But today is not that day.
Chapter 72
CONAN
The silence consumes me. She doesn’t know how to respond. That sparkle in her eyes has gone out. I fucking did that.
I look into her living room and see two red suitcases. She follows my line of vision.
“Me and Lily are taking a girls’ trip for a few days.” She says it flatly.
I look down at my feet. Fuck, I want to bawl my eyes out.
She has nothing to say to my declaration. But I won’t give up.
“Take my private jet. Anywhere you want. Please.”
With the Bowens’ threat still alive, I need her to be safe.
“Did you not hear me? I don’t want anything from you.”
She blinks at me, and her jaw twitches.
“For safety reasons. Nothing else. We own a resort in Barbados. It’s really cool. Right by the beach, a pool bar. And a safe location. The penthouse is always available for us. Just give them my name at check-in.”
She shakes her head as I place the gun that’s been burning a hole in my palm down on the side table.
“Please, Hallie. Trust me. I am listening to you, and I wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t important. You know my lifestyle. That’s all you need to know.”
“This is fucking crazy,” she mutters under her breath.
That sassy spitfire side of her makes my heart flip.