Page 16 of 21 Week Hiatus

They’re acting like we’re the only couple in the world to have a considerable age difference or that I have used my wealth to influence their daughter into being my sugar baby.

Christ, I loathe that word. Just thinking it leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

My mistake was keeping my mouth shut. I should have listened to my instincts and walked over to them and defended myself instead of standing back and letting them fill her head with such nonsense. What upset me the most though is when she told them that I’m her ex-boyfriend’s dad. Even if I stood a slim chance of eventually winning them over, Savi ruined it by telling them that because her mother almost keeled over in disgust that her only daughter is sleeping with her ex’s dad. And her father, boy did he have a few colorful words to add.

The sad truth is, as I've told her, I do fantasize a happy life with her. I often picture myself coming home from a long day at work to find her in the rocking chair by the fireplace, feeding our baby and reading a book. And during moments of stress at my desk, I drift off and imagine us waking up on a lazy Sunday morning with our two screaming kids jumping into bed with us.

It all may sound cliché, but I am a traditional man, at least I used to be before April shattered my trust in relationships and made me swear off marriage and kids altogether.

I really hope I’m doing the right thing by setting her free. Even though it’s going to kill me, it’s what’s best for both of us. Savi can go back to living the life she planned before I came along and disrupted it. So far, our relationship has cost her career and ruined her relationship with her parents. And let's not forget how my actions single handedly destroyed my already fragile relationship with my only son who refuses to even acknowledge my existence… not that I blame him.

While I’m standing in the middle of my kitchen where we not that long ago spent countless hours fucking, I’m having to look into her saddened eyes and tell her that it’s best we stop seeing each other.

Fuck.

The words swell up and get lodged in my throat and refuse to come out while Savi is staring at me, waiting for me to speak. “Savi…” I start and she fists her hands by her side, shaking her head as a single tear runs down her left cheek. I’m fighting so hard to not close the distance between us and gather her in my arms and tell her over and over again that I’m out of my ass in love with her. Every tear that falls from her beautiful eyes feels like a dagger being plunged straight into my chest. “I?—”

“Stop,” Savi interrupts me with a shake of her head. “Please, I-I’ve changed my mind. I can’t bear to hear it, please Logan don’t say it.” She confesses with a whimper and wipes away the tears that steam down her cheeks with the back of her hand.

The back of my eyelids sting like they’re on fire as I stand there feeling like the world’s biggest asshole watching her cry. “It’s really over?” she asks, her voice trembling and I swallow against the ever growing lump in my throat and force myself to nod. Savi nods as well and presses her lips together while she lowers her gaze to the marble tiles on the floor, an endless stream of tears flowing down her cheeks. “Okay,” she sniffles and lifts her gaze to look at me again. Fuck me; I want to scream. This isn’t how the night was supposed to end. How did we go from good to gone in a matter of hours?

My heart feels heavy in my chest as Savi turns to walk out of the kitchen. “Savi.” Her name comes flying out of my mouth before I could catch it. This can’t be the way we say goodbye.

When our eyes interlock, Savi and I instinctively both take a step toward each other, shrinking the distance between us. She wraps her arms around my neck as I encircle her waist, holding her as tight as I possibly can against me. I burrow my face into the crook of her neck, savoring the heavenly scent that I know I won't be able to smell for much longer. “Please don't cry, Wildfire,” I whisper, fighting to holdback my own tears. “I'm not worth your tears.” I grip her firmly at the nape of her neck. “Fuck, Savi, I love you so much. Please, believe me when I say I never intended to hurt you. Walking away from you is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. But deep down, you know as well as I do that this is what’s best for us both.” Savi sobs uncontrollably into my shoulder, her entire body trembling with each wrenching sob.

“How?” she sobs, pulling her head back to look at me and shakes her head, her hazel eyes brimming with more unshed tears, “How is this what’s best for us when we’re in love with each other and neither of us want to walk away?”

I let out a heavy sigh as I lean my forehead against hers, using my thumbs to gently wipe away the tears streaming down her cheeks. “Savi,” I whisper. “If I were a selfish man, I would hold on to you with all my might and never let you go. The thought alone of a life without you in it is suffocating. You came into my life like a whirlwind and breathed life back into me the night you kissed me in that bar. And because I love you so much, I can’t be selfish with you. You deserve to be with a man that shares the same dreams as you do. Who can take your hand in front of all your family and friends and vow to love you unconditionally, and one day make you the incredible mother that I know you will be.” I declare, caressing her jaw affectionately. “As much as I would lay the world at your feet and spend each day making you happier than the last, I’m not that guy Savannah. I can’t give you what he can. I don’t want you settling for a life with me when you can have everything you ever dreamed of, Wildfire.”

“You are everything I’ve ever dreamed of and so much more, Logan.”

God help me I’m about to break.

“So are you, Wildfire, so are you.” I sigh and bite my lip while I stare into her beautiful eyes. “I already hate the lucky son of a bitch that gets to have you.” I murmur as I lean in and kiss her one last time. Our lips move in a slow and deliberate manner while we drag out our final kiss, neither of us willing to pull back. I deepen the kiss, savoring in her taste and when I tease Savi’s tongue with my own, I hear her let out a breathy moan.

There isn’t a part of me that wants to stop, in fact my fingers itch to undress her and take her once again on the kitchen island, but somehow, I muster up the strength and pull away from her after I press a lingering kiss to her forehead. “For what it’s worth, the past six weeks I have spent with you have been the best of my life and I will cherish every single moment. I want you to know that no matter where we are in a year’s time, or five, or ten you will always have my heart, Logan.”

“And you will have mine.”

It was a heartbreaking yet bittersweet goodbye. Watching Savannah’s tearful exit out my door knowing she will never walk back through wrecked me. It wasn’t until the taxi pulled away and drove off into the night that it really hit me. That was the last time I would see, hold, or kiss her. Pressing my back to the door I close my eyes and finally allow the dam within me to break.

Shit.

It’s really over.

After the breakup with Savi, the long days seem to blend together into weeks. I try everything to keep busy and avoid thinking about her which wasn’t easy when everything reminded me of her. I try to keep my mind occupied with anything and everything I can think of, desperate to escape the constant thoughts of her. But as the nights grow longer, I find myself drowning in alcohol, my eyes fixated on her number on my phone. I long to hear her voice, just once more.

Late at night, I find myself getting drunk and staring at photos of her and then her number on my phone, longing to hear her voice again.

I don’t know how I’m even breathing when her last words keep playing on my mind. A heartbreaking melody that refuses to fade away and keeps haunting me.

“For what it’s worth, the past six weeks I have spent with you have been the best of my life and I will cherish every single moment. I want you to know that no matter where we are in a year’s time, or five, or ten you will always have my heart, Logan.”

A selfish desire rose within me upon hearing those words, urging me to hold her close and beg her to stay with me, ignoring everything I had said before. But as much as it pained me to let go and watch her walk away, I knew that putting her needs above my own was the ultimate test of love—sacrifice. However, breaking her heart is something I wish I didn’t have to do.

I have been sick to my stomach since that day. The pain inside me only grows stronger as time passes by. Savi's absence has left a gaping void in my life that seems to expand with each passing day. My friend keeps telling me that I’ll get over her and to just give it time.

Well, it’s been 130 days and guess what? I’m still fucking missing her. I still have the taste of her kiss fresh on my mind. I never truly appreciated the calm and happiness Savi brought into my life until I lost her.

---