Page 10 of When We Collide

I roll my eyes and take a long sip of wine, trying to suppress the stupid butterflies in my stomach. There is no denying that Oscar has always had a way of making me feel special, but I refuse to entertain the idea of anything more than friendship between us. He’s Dean’s brother for goodness’ sake. “Jess, don’t be ridiculous. He’s looking at me like he always does. There is no special meaning behind it.”

“Jey, come on, you’ve been living together for almost a year now. You’re raising DJ together. You’re practically a family.”

“No, we’re not afamily. And we are not raising DJtogether. He’s helping me ou?—”

And then, Oscar appears behind me, his arm snaking around my waist to hold a plate with a hotdog on it in front of me and leans close to my ear to say, “Hey kid.” My stomach tightens and I can feel my cheeks reddening between his deep voice in my ear and my sister’s knowing smirk while she watches the innocent interaction between us. “Hotdog with extra crispy onions and ketchup, no mustard. Eat something if you’re drinking or I’ll be carrying you to bed before the night is over.”

“Uh, thanks, Oskie.” My fingers tremble slightly as I take the plate from him. Oscar presses a kiss to the top of my head and I watch as he walks back over to the BBQ to join the boys.

“You were saying?” Jess utters with a smug grin on her face. “Your face is redder than the ketchup on your hotdog right now.” She teases with a cackle and I shake my head, fighting off the stupid flush I can feel travelling down my neck.

“Jess, stop speculating,” I scold her playfully. “There's nothing going on between me and Oz. We've always been close friends, that’s no secret. And even if something did change, he's Dean's brother. Nothing can or will ever happen between us.”

“Jeyla, I’m not speculating, I’m only pointing out what everyone except you seems to already know. Jesus, everyone and their nan knows that Oz had a thing for you for years. Think about it, he wouldn’t be putting his own life on hold and playing house with his late brother’s wife otherwise, would he? You were so consumed with your love for Dean that you never truly saw howOz looked at you… and isstilllooking at you. That boy buried his feelings for you and watched you marry his brother and then stood by you and became your strength after his death and he’s helping you raise yours and Dean’s baby.”

“Jess…” I warn with a weary sigh, my voice tinged with sadness.

But Jess pays no heed to my tone and continues to press the subject, her eyes full of determination. “Jeyla, it’s been a year. You’re only twenty-five, you still have a whole life ahead of you to live. Your life didn’t end with Dean’s and deep down you know that he would want you to move on and be happy.”

I shake my head, tears welling up in my eyes. “No, Jess, it’sonlybeen a year.” My words come out as a choked whisper. “You don’t understand because you haven’t lost someone you loved with every fibre of your being. Dean wasn’t just some guy that I loved, he was my soul mate, the other half of me. The love we shared was so all-consuming, so intense and pure, unlike anything I have ever felt or could feel for anyone else. I can still feel his touch on my skin, hear his laughter ringing in my ears.

The memories are too painful and beautiful at the same time. I can’t even stomach the thought of being with someone else after what we had. Even the mere thought of it fills me with guilt because I feel like I’m betraying him and breaking the promise I made to wait for him.” I express, lowering my gaze to the glass of wine in my hand so she doesn’t see the tears gathering in my eyes.

“Jey, the love and memories you and Dean shared will always be with you. You don’t have to forget about Dean, but you will one day meet someone and fall in love again. Yes, the two of you were perfect for one another, but what if Dean was never the one. What if the one you were truly fated to be with is someone whoselflessly sacrificed his own happiness for yours, time and time again? Think about it. Every time you fell, Oz was there to pick you back up. Even though it was probably killing him inside, he offered you his shoulder to cry on every time Dean hurt you or every time he was gone for months at a time.”

As Jessica speaks, her words trigger a memory within me. My mind flashes back to that night we went camping at camber sands beach almost two years ago. The night Ash found out about me and Dean. While we were seated around the fire Ivy had asked what the craziest thing the boys had done for a girl was. Oscar’s response resonates in my mind.

“Honestly, there isn’t a thing I haven’t done, but the biggest I would say is sacrifice. I sacrificed myself for her happiness several times.”

Oh my God, was he…shit, was that aboutme? My heart lurches as realization dawns on me. In that moment, I couldn't help but feel envious and angry towards the girl who didn't see how truly selfless and amazing he was. I look up and over my sister’s shoulder to where Oscar is standing talking to Shane.

WasIthat girl?

The sun hadlong since set and the moon cast a soft glow over everything as the party slowly came to an end. Six hours of laughter, conversation, and indulgence in wine and decadent red velvet cake had left everyone content and satisfied. As the lastguests bid their farewells and disappeared into the darkness, Oscar and I stand at the doorway, holding onto each other for support.

I peer up at him, my head spinning slightly from the alcohol, and I couldn't help but smile. “Did you have a good time, old man?”

Oscar chuckles, his deep voice rumbling through his chest as he wrapped his strong arm around my shoulders. “Yes, I did. Thank you, kid, for organizing everything and trying to surprise me even though I knew what you were up to the whole time,” he murmurs as he presses a gentle kiss to my temple, sending warmth coursing through me.

I roll my eyes playfully. “Ugh, I knew it. Well, that's the last time I'll ever try to throw you a surprise party, you big lug.”

Oscar laughs heartily as we make our way back to the living room. “Let's be honest, Jeykins, you're not exactly known for your discretion. I could hear you last night struggling to blow up balloons and then cussing when they flew away and deflated.” He imitates the deflating sound of a balloon.

“That was the stupid confetti balloons! It took me ages to blow them all up and then almost choked on a piece of foil confettitwice,” I grumble with a pout when I recall the frustration that I had felt at two in the morning blowing up those darned balloons.

Thankfully the house wasn’t as messy as I had anticipated. Ashlyn, and both our mothers, assisted in cleaning up the kitchen once the food part of the evening was done. Only things left are a couple of dishes that need loading into the dish washer and a mop.

“It was most certainly entertaining. I’ll give you that.”

“I’m pleased that my misery and near-death experience amused you, Oskie.” I drawl as I make my way toward the kitchen.

“There isn’t a thing you do that doesn’t amuse me, Jeykins.” Oscar responds, brown eyes twinkling as he catches my arm, his brows furrowing. “Whoa, where are you going?”

“I have some bits left to sort in the kitchen.”

Oscar shakes his head and tuts, “No.”

I stare up at him, “No?”

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