Page 14 of When We Collide

In these quiet moments, my mind wanders to a place where Dean is still with us. I can almost feel his presence, as if he's sitting right next to me in this very chair. I imagine him cradling our son, DJ, against his bare chest and whispering sweet bedtime stories about his days as a fighter pilot. My heart aches at the thought of all the missed opportunities for Dean to be the incredible father I know he would have been.

But most of all, my heart aches for DJ, whose young heart will forever bear a deep emptiness where his father should have been. The thought of him growing up without the love and guidance of a dad brings tears to my eyes. Though I am determined to do everything in my power to fill that void and shower DJ with all the love and affection he deserves, it can never replace the irreplaceable bond he would have had withDean. It's like trying to piece together a puzzle with missing pieces, the picture will never be complete. But I will always be there for him, to guide him and support him through life's challenges, even if I can never truly fill that void, he will know who his father is and how much he would have loved him.

After I feed him, I change DJ into a fresh outfit, and we quietly make our way downstairs to start our day. My exhaustion from a night of no sleep is starting to hit me hard, my eyes feeling like they are burning. The only thing that can save me now is a cup of coffee, and I need it fast before the inevitable headache sets in. Before DJ came along, I used to drink three cups of coffee daily, but now I limit myself to one because I am breastfeeding and too much caffeine upsets his stomach.

I place DJ in his playpen in the living room and head over to the kitchen to make myself a double shot latte using the fancy coffee machine that Oscar purchased after moving in. Like me, he is also a coffee lover. Truthfully, I don't know what I would do if he ever moved out and took the machine with him. I’d be devastated.

While I’m waiting for my coffee to brew, I notice the dishes from last night have been washed and the kitchen has been mopped. Oscar must have done it last night after I went up to bed or he’s already up. The thought barely leaves my mind before I hear the unmistakable sound of a key sliding into the front door, and it opens a second later.

What the hell?

I lean over and peer at the door, which slowly opens to reveal Oscar's figure. He strides in with confidence, closing the door behind him before casually kicking off his shoes. His dark brows are fused tightly, eyes cast down as he continues to listento whatever is playing through his AirPods. Droplets of sweat cling to his arms, face, neck, and chest, making them glisten in the sunlight shining through the window. His black gym vest—now damp with perspiration—clings to his chiselled torso like a second skin indicating that he must have gone for a run. While Dean had an incredible physique, Oscar is built like a tank. I’m certain he can crush a man’s skull with his bicep. It’s both impressive and intimidating at the same time. I would hate to be the man that ever steps up to him.

The faint scent of fresh air and sweat trails behind him as he walks further into the house. It takes a minute, but he finally lifts his gaze and notices me standing in the kitchen. The serious look on his face a moment ago vanishes and his features soften as he lifts his hand to remove his AirPods.

“Hey,” I greet him with a tight-lipped smile and keep reminding myself to not be awkward. It’s not some random stranger, it’s Oskie. “Coffee?” I offer.

Oscar nods as he unfastens the arm pocket around his left bicep that holds his phone and keys while he’s out on his runs and walks toward the kitchen and places them on the counter. “You’re up early? It’s barely gone six.”

The coffee machine beeps alerting me that my coffee is ready. I spin around, inwardly thankful that I didn’t have to look him in the eyes. I busy myself with making Oscar his coffee. “Yeah, I know, I had a bit of a hard time falling asleep and DJ woke up early, so I had very little choice but to get up anyway.” I explain as I open the draw and take out a spoon to stir my coffee. “You been on a run?”

“Uh, yeah.” His breathing is heavy as he walks over to the fridge and takes out a bottle of water. “I couldn’t sleep either, so Ithought I’d go for a jog and burn off some of those burgers and slices of cake I wolfed down yesterday.” Oscar replies before he chugs the bottle of water. His tone is light when he speaks, not a trace of unease to be detected as he leans against the kitchen counter watching me make him a coffee; that is until he hears DJ’s adorable squeals coming from the living room and chuckles, “Someone’s vocal this morning.”

“He sure is, you can see why I had trouble sleeping in.” Opening the cupboard, I take out a coffee cup and place it under the spout before I select Americano for Oscar’s coffee on the LCD screen of the coffee machine and push the start button. The machine starts grinding the beans and I pick up my own cup and take a sip as I turn to face him again.

“It’s still early, but I can make some breakfast if you’re hungry?” I offer and Oscar shakes his head, as he chugs down the remainder of the water he’s holding.

“No, thanks, I’m honestly still stuffed from the burgers yesterday. I’ll have a protein shake after I shower.” Nodding, I pick up his black americano and walk over to hand it to him. I make sure to keep my gaze on the cup of coffee and to not look up in fear of catching his gaze. I’m honestly terrified of what I’m going to see. “Thanks.” As Oscar takes the cup of coffee from me, his fingers lightly brush against mine at the exchange and usually it wouldn’t even register, but now every touch, each look feels… errant.

Against my better judgement, I let my gaze drift upwards, and my eyes immediately lock with Oscar's deep chocolate orbs. His warm, smooth voice cuts through the air as he asks, “What are your plans for today?” I quickly step away, trying to distract myself by wiping down the counters while he takes a casual sip of coffee.

“I don't have any,” I respond, trying to sound nonchalant. “What about you?”

“Same here,” his tone is cool and collected. “The weather is perfect though; it would be a shame to waste it indoors. We could take DJ out for the day if you want.”

I turn to face him fully, fiddling nervously with the bright pink cloth in my hand. A day out just the three of us? After what happened last night, I'm not sure that's such a good idea. “Um... we can do that. What did you have in mind?”

Oscar shrugs, he sets his cup down and places is hands on the edge of the kitchen island. “We could go to the zoo?”

“I think DJ might be a bit too young for that,” I reply with a wry smile, and he lets out an easy laugh, running a hand over his bearded jaw.

“Good point. How about the park? Or we could head up to Margate beach and make a day of it?” he suggests with a playful glint in his eyes.

Maybe I have been dramatizing our encounter last night. Oscar doesn’t seem bothered and clearly has no intention of talking about it, which I’m pleased about because it instantly eases the weight on my shoulders.

“The beach sounds good. I can pack us up some sandwiches, snacks and drinks to take with us.” Oscar finishes the last of his coffee as he walks over to the sink to rinse his cup and place it in the dishwasher—which I happen to be standing right beside of.

“Don’t pack anything. You exhausted yourself enough as it is the last two days for the party.” Oscar instructs leaning over to openthe door to the dishwasher. “We’ll stop off and pick some stuff up on the way.”

It’s these little considerate things about Oscar that I adore. “I didn’t exhaust myself Oskie, I was happy to do it. I suppose picking up some stuff on the way works though. I’ll go and get myself and DJ ready while you shower.”

“All right, kid, we’ll head out in an hour.” He replies, brushes a kiss to my temple and walks out of the room. I find myself watching his retreating back as he walks away and sigh when the spot he just kissed leaves a tingling sensation on my skin, causing something inside me to stir, something that feels a lot likeattraction.

Fuck, I think I might be harbouring a tiny crush my late husband’s older brother.

Goddamn you Jess, when I get my hands on you, I’m going to kill you.

The winding roadleading up to Margate beach was surprisingly pleasant, with scenic views of the coastline and occasional glimpses of the sparkling ocean. Despite a brief stop for snacks and drinks along the way, we arrived in just over an hour. The hot weather seems to have kept the crowds at bay, and we easily find a spot on the beach not too far from the shore.

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