Page 17 of When We Collide

“Dean?” I croak his name, still not quite believing what I'm seeing.

“Hey, JJ.”

Oh God,not again.

I’ve started hallucinating again, haven’t I? I haven’t seen him in months, why is he back? And since when does he knock instead of just popping up? My subconscious has conjured him up again because of the guilt I’m feeling over what happened with Oscar. That’s why he’s back, I know it.

My heart pounds in my chest while I shake my head in disbelief and take a step back on unsteady legs. The shattered glass scattered across the floor is momentarily forgotten until one jagged piece stabs into the bottom of my bare foot. A searing pain shoots through me, but it pales in comparison to the shockand disbelief coursing through my veins as I stare into the eyes of my supposedly deceased husband.

My body freezes as I try to process what I am seeing, my mind unable to comprehend how he could be standing here before me when I was told he had died. In this moment, not even the sharp shard embedded in my skin can distract me from the overwhelming flood of emotions washing over me as I gape at him, afraid to even blink in fear that he will disappear once again. Dean’s eyes lower to the floor and he takes a step into the house, the glass crunching under his black trainers. “JJ,” Dean says again while I tip my head back to stare up at him wide-eyed.

“You're... n-not… you c-can’tbe…” I squeak incoherently while standing in a pool of my own blood that’s seeping from the cut on my foot. I’m sure I can feel my nervous system shutting down and the last of my sanity leaving me whilst I gape at him.

“JJ,” Dean lifts his hands and places them on either side of my face, they’re ice cold and damp against my warm skin. He stares into my eyes while he speaks slowly. “Breathe, baby. You’re in shock, but it’s okay, I’m here, I’m real and I’ll explain everything to you, but you’ve cut your foot and you’re bleeding.”

“Dean…” I whisper, my eyes brimming with tears as I lift my hands, my fingers tremble as I touch his face. Dean’s eyes close at my touch and he swallows thickly as he leans into my hand. “You’re not real… y-you can’t be real, you died,” I whisper, looking over his handsome face as my fingers trace every line and curve of his face. “I’m hallucinating again. You’re not real. You’ll leave me again like you always do.”

Dean opens his eyes and looks at me again, “Jeyla, I’m real baby, you’re not hallucinating. I didn’t die, I’m right here. Here, look...” He takes my hand and presses it to his chest above hisheart. I can feel his heartbeat under my palm, and I shake my head, my lip quivering as tears spill over and roll down my face. “You feel that? Can you feel my heart beating for you baby girl? I’m real, I’m right here.”

“No,” I gasp, shaking my head. “No, youdied, they told us that your plane crashed, and you died. We had a f-funeral, I-I- buried y-you.” I sob, my fingers curling into his hoodie while I gaze up into those beautiful green eyes that I never thought I’d see again. Though his eyes that were usually bright and full of life, are now like windows to a deeper, untold story. Sunken and shadowed with dark circles betraying the restless nights he must have endured. There’s a haunted, distant gaze lingering in their depths, hinting at something that still haunts him.

“I know, baby, I know and I’m going to explain everything to you, I promise, but right now I need to look at your foot, okay?” My entire body is trembling uncontrollably as Dean sweeps me into his arms bridal style, kicks the door shut with his foot and carries me into the house.

Dean’salive.

Have I finally lost my mind? Is this just another figment of my traumatized imagination, creating a false sense of reality? Have I finally snapped under all the trauma I’ve suffered lately. Because my fragile mind refuses to believe he’s real and standing before me. Even if I can feel every beat of his heart under my hand or feel the warmth of his breath on my face and smell his aftershave as he carries me straight to the kitchen. I know it can’t be real, but I want it to be. I want it to be real so bad. I’m terrified he’s going to disappear on me or I’m going to wake up from whatever dream or psychotic episode I’m having at the moment.

Maybe I have lost touch with reality, but if he is going to disappear on me again, I want to savour every moment of whatever this is.

I watch him mutely as he sets me on the kitchen island and moves with purpose around the kitchen, looking though the cupboards in search of something.

Even as my blood drips slowly onto the white floor from the cut on my foot, I can't feel any pain. My body is numb, except for the endless stream of warm tears cascading down my cheeks.

Dean's heavy footsteps echo against the tiled floor as he approaches me, holding a first aid box in his hand. I can’t help but watch his movements, transfixed by the sound of his trainers squeaking against the tiles as he walks.

Kneeling in front of me, Dean gently lifts my injured foot to inspect the wound. As he does, I hear the familiar patter of Lex's steps as he comes running into the kitchen. His barks are ferocious and threatening as he stands guard beside me.

But then, I realize that Lex can see Dean too. Does that mean he was actually here?

Dean holds out his hand to the dog speaking in a soothing tone. “Hey, hey, it's okay buddy. I'm not hurting her.” To my amazement, Lex's growls subside, and he cautiously approaches Dean, sniffing him curiously. “Is this the puppy I got you for our three-month anniversary?” Dean questions with a smile as he pets Lex's head who instantly calms down under his touch.

I only manage a nod, unable to form words while I watch them interact.

Dean's gentle touch grazes over the smooth, blue collar around Lex's neck. The pendant, emblazoned with Lex's name, dangles delicately between his fingers. Turning to me with a small smile, he asks, “You named him Lex? The moment I saw him I knew you would love him just as much as you did my Lex back then.”

My silence causes Dean's smile to falter, and a deep sadness overcomes his expression as he turns his attention back to my foot and carefully removes a piece of glass. With a disinfectant wipe in hand, he gently cleans the blood and examines the wound closer. “It looks like a puncture wound. Luckily, it doesn't seem too deep, so stitches won't be necessary. Just some pressure and a bandage should do the trick,” he explains as he tears open a packet of sterile bandages and wraps it around my injured foot. “We'll need to keep an eye on it though, make sure it doesn't get infected,” he adds with concern in his voice. The warmth of his touch and the care in his actions soothe me, reminding me why I fell in love with him in the first place.

After he’s secured the bandage Dean lifts my leg and presses a kiss to my ankle before he stands and takes a step closer to brush my tears away with his fingers. I draw in a quivering breath when I feel his touch against my skin. As I lean into his touch, I cry, “Please, God, let this be real. Please don’t let this be another dream.”

“It's not a dream, JJ,” Dean whispers, his voice filled with love and conviction as he presses his forehead against mine, his warm breath fanning over my face. “I'm right here. I'm alive and I’ve come back home to you, baby girl.”

His muscular arms wrap around me protectively as I sink into him, my own arms wrapping tightly around his neck, his hoodie still soaked from the rain feels ice cold against my skin. I bury my face into the crook of his neck and sobdespairingly, overwhelmed with so many emotions, especially being enveloped in his arms once again when I thought I would never feel the comfort and shelter only his embrace offers ever again.

“They told us that you had died in that crash with no chance of survival. I-I don’t understand… h-how…” Dean’s arms tighten around me as I weep into his neck, my words coming out like muffled whimpers. Dean pulls back and takes hold of my face; his emerald eyes pooled with tears as he gazes into my own tearful ones.

“Shh, I know baby, I’m going to explain everything I promise you, just…” he states as he brushes damp stands of my hair away from my face. “Let me look at you.” Dean’s eyes scan my face while his finger lightly traces the curve of my lower lip, “I’ve missed you so fucking much, JJ. I’ve quite literally been through absolute hell and back and in my absolute darkest moments when I was sure I wasn’t going to make it, it was this angelic face that kept me going.” Dean affirms, his nose brushing over mine as he speaks to me quietly. “If I’m alive today it’s because of you. Your love gave me the strength I needed to keep fighting until I was able to come back home to you.”

“I can’t believe you’re really here.” I cry, curling my fingers at his nape. “I didn’t want to believe that you really were gone, I couldn’t accept it because I knew, I knew in my heart that you would never leave me. I just, I don’t understand how, how have you been alive this entire time? You could have called me and said you were coming home? Why didn’t you? Dean, please, say something. Tell mesomething,because I feel as though I’m about to lose my fucking mind.” My heart is racing, and my mind is reeling as I cling to him, desperate for some kind of explanation. “Losing you… it broke me. I didn’t want to live. Ididn’t want to go on without you. I didn’t. I couldn’t bear the pain, Dean, I just wanted to be with you.”

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