Page 23 of When We Collide

The tension sizzles in the air while we look at each other and I can sense a fight brewing between us and a big one at that—fuck, I can practically taste it lingering in the air around us and my skin prickles with anticipation. It’s been averylong time since JJ and I had one of our fights, in fact we are long overdue one. And I know she’s craving it just as much as I am.

“Nah, it’s not that,” Oz voices and I already know it’s a baldfaced lie. “Just thought the two of you would like some space. I’m sure you have a lot to talk about.”

“Yes, we do indeed havea lotto talk about.” I answer as I walk over to the dining table and take a seat with a sigh. “However, maybe you will have better luck convincing her that the best place for her and DJ right now is in a secure safehouse, because she’s not listening to me.”

“Dean, for god’s sake, I’m not being carted off to some unknown location with a baby while you go off to get yourself killed.”

“See,” I respond, gesturing in her direction with my arm and shake my head. My brother turns his gaze to look at me sharply, his dark brows fusing.

“Hold on,what?” Oz utters, his gaze shifting between Jeyla and me. “What the hell are you talking about?”

Jeyla crosses her arms over her chest and glares at me. “Go on,” she says through clenched teeth. “Please, enlighten your brother about this absurd plan of yours. The one where you willingly offer yourself to the maniac that wants to kill you just to protect me.” Jeyla asserts frostily, her gaze never wavering from mine as she speaks. “Apparently, I haven’t suffered enough, so your brother wants to put me through the hell of losing him all over again.”

“Christ, JJ.” My voice is laced with frustration as I sit forward, placing my forearms on my knees and meet her intense glare head-on, determined to make her understand the gravity of the situation. “This is necessary for yours and DJ’s protection,” I explain, my words laced with urgency. “If there was any other solution, don’t you think I would have taken it instead of wasting an entire year of my life running from him. I missed my son's birth. My sister’s wedding. I sacrificed everything I love to keep all of you safe. You have no idea how ruthless the man I am up against truly is. Viktor Lukin will stop at nothing to avenge his brother's death and will destroy anyone who stands in his way.” A heavy silence hung in the air, suffocating us both with its weight. Jeyla's expression softened slightly, but I could still see the worry and pain she was trying to hide behind her gaze.

“I’ve seen first-hand the horrors he can inflict,” I continue, my voice barely above a whisper now as I recall the gruesome things I have seen him do to people that betrayed him while I was under cover. “And if I don’t come forward, he will kill every single one of you and make me watch while he does so. And that’s not a risk I’m willing to take, which is why I need you to listen to me and let me get you someplace safe.” The thought makes bile rise in my throat, but it’s the cold hard truth. Viktor Lukin is a monster, and I’m willing to do whatever it takes to keep my loved ones safe from him. I mean, I’ve seen him peel theflesh off someone’s bones while they were still conscious simply because he missed making his payment by an hour. So, you can imagine the kind of punishment he will impose onmefor killing his beloved little brother—the only family member he had left.

Jeyla's eyes squeeze shut, her body trembling with fear. “What the fuck, Dean?” my brother growls as he paces back and forth, his fists clenched in rage. “Jeyla’s right. You can’t just surrender. There has to be another way. The Navy should be taking every action to protect you, not cowering away and leaving you to sacrifice yourself. We’re talking aboutone managainst one of the most powerful armed forces in the world for fuck’s sake and you’re telling me that they can’t take him down? It’s bullshit.” Oz's voice drips with anger. “You risked your life to serve your country. What happened to their promise and commitment of never leaving a comrade behind? Because from where I’m standing, they seem to be sitting on their fucking thumbs when they should be taking action.”

“I assure you, Oz, they are doing everything in their power, but we’re not up against justone man. If it were that easy it wouldn’t have ever come to this. It's a powerful and sprawling organization with tentacles reaching all over the world. Viktor Lukin has amassed numerous allies and political puppets with a lot of influence who will stop at nothing to protect him. His illegal bioweapons empire alone generates billions, flowing through his grasp like a river of tainted money. It's astonishing how deeply entrenched corruption runs within the system, but the Navy is focused on the bigger picture; protecting billions of innocent lives. In comparison, my own life, and the lives of every officer dedicated to serving our country, are expendable.”

A dense, palpable silence lingers between us, coating the air like a heavy blanket and drowning out any outside sounds. My gazeremains fixed on Jeyla, who has her eyes cast down, staring at the intricate pattern of the tiled floor, lost in her own thoughts, silent tears roll down her pale cheeks. The stillness becomes almost suffocating, pressing down on my chest and stealing away any remaining traces of oxygen. It's as if the weight of our unspoken words has manifested into a physical force, trapping us all in this moment.

“JJ.” With my heart hanging heavy in my chest, I push myself up to my feet and shuffle over to Jeyla. She doesn't look up at me, keeping her eyes cast down as the stream of tears now flow faster. Each tear seems to pierce right through my heart. Reaching out, I gently tuck my fingers under her chin and tip her head up. Her green eyes tightly shut, and she shakes her head.

“I can't,” she whispers, voice trembling as more tears escape past her long lashes. “You may be expendable to them, but you're not to me, Dean. If you’re so hell bent on running off to get yourself killed, why did you even bother coming back.” Her words are firm and full of conviction before she turns and walks out of the kitchen, leaving me rooted to my spot watching after her, my chest constricting with every step she takes.

My brother stands in the kitchen, his back pressed against the cool counter as he looks at me with a mix of concern and frustration. He shrugs nonchalantly, lifting his arms and crossing them over his chest. “She has a point,” Oz voices, his tone heavy with disappointment. I close my eyes and sigh heavily, tipping my head back.

“If you truly had Jeyla’s best interests and safety at heart, you would have stayed away, spared her and all of us the pain of losing you a second time,” he continues, his voice filled with emotion. “It would have made more sense than showing up at her door after everything she's been through, filling her heartwith false hope only to devastate her all over again.” His words hit me like a punch to the gut, making me feel sick with regret. “Because let me tell you, she barely made it through the first time, she won’t survive a second time, Dean, and neither will mum.”

Sighing, I close my eyes and tip my head back, my frustration mounting more with every passing second. “Fucking hell, you think I was sitting on a beach, living my best life this whole time? You think I enjoyed having my entire life stripped away from me to play dead? It was hell for me too, Oz. Nothing about the circumstances I’m facing makes any sense, nor is it fair—especially to Jeyla—I’m fully aware of that. But I had no choice. The moment I saw those pictures of Jeyla and the threats to her life I couldn’t sit back and hide anymore. I couldn’t fucking think. So, I came out of hiding to ensure arrangements were made for Jeyla and DJ to be taken someplace secure and off the grid until this mess was dealt with. I don’t care what happens to me as long as they’re safe.”

“You might not care, but Jeyla does. Weallcare, Dean.” Oz throws back at me, his brows drawing together. “Just remember how you felt for that short period when you thought Jeyla had died when she got hit by that car. Now imagine feeling and living with that pain day in, day out. You weren’t there to see the devastation, listen to her screams, to see her slipping away into a darkness none of us could pull her back from.”

“Oz, I know?—”

“No, you don't fucking know!” My brother snaps, standing tall and looming over me. “I had to pry her off the fucking floor!” He retorts as he strides towards me. The fury in his words matches the rage in his eyes. “I can still hear her cries of despair and the way she was screaming for you every single night.” The lumpin my throat tightens as tears prick at the corners of my eyes. “Jeyla was beyond devastated, Dean. She was so broken over losing you that she wanted to die just to be with you. Thank God she was pregnant with DJ and he became the anchor she needed, because not even we could have saved her otherwise.” My brother’s chest rises and falls angrily while he glares at me. “And you want to put her through all that hell all over again with the added burden that you’re going off to die to protecther?”

“What am I supposed to do, Oz?!” I bark back in response. “Fucking tell me? What would you have done if you were in my position? Because whatever option I choose that doesn’t end with me six feet under puts someone I love in grave danger. In an ideal world I would be home with my wife and baby, and we would be living the happy life I promised her. Instead, I spent a year of my life running, trying to survive with the hopes that one day I might be able to come back home to her. Leaving Jeyla wasn’t a walk in the park for me either, nor was the thought of her moving on withyouand forgetting all about me when every breath I took, every bit of fight I had left in me was solely for her!” Oz blanches at my statement and I literally see the colour drain away from his face.

“Wh—”

“Don’t bother trying to deny it. I may have been off the grid, but I was still getting updates from the security team that was assigned to watch over her. Imagine my devastation when I’m given a stack of photos of my big brother, who I entrusted to watch out for my wife, holding and kissing her.” I utter with a shake of my head as I take a step toward him. “Yeah, while you and Jeyla were playing happy families and kissing on beaches I was running to survive with a fucking target on my back.”

Oz's eyes briefly close and he swallows heavily before meeting my gaze with a look of remorse. “There is nothing going on between Jeyla and me,” he claims, which only adds to my annoyance.

“Oh really?” I carp, narrowing my eyes. “Because those photos of you kissing and the guilt in both your eyes when you’re in the same room tells a different fucking story. I suppose me coming back from the dead inconveniencesyoumost of all huh, big bro? After all, you’ve waited almost two decades for a chance with her. It’s a shame it took for me todiefor you to finally find your balls and make a move.”

“Dean…” my brother hisses through clenched teeth and affixes me with a stern glare. “Don’t be a fucking prick. It wasn’t like that.”

“You know what, Oz…” I retort sarcastically, feeling the bitterness rise in my throat. “Spare me the fucking details.” My anger is like a hot pretzel twisting in my gut, threatening to spill over and consume me. I turn to leave before I do something regrettable, but Oz ignores every angry cue my body is sending and steps forward, blocking my path.

“Listen to me,” Oz speaks lowly. “There is nothing going on between Jeyla and me, I swear to you. Yes, there may have been an opportunity for something to happen, but deep down we both knew that pursuing it would not only be wrong, but a betrayal to your memory.” He pauses, his hand reaching out to gently touch my shoulder. “What you saw in that photo, were two people who care for one another closing the door to any possibility of a relationship. That kiss was merely a final farewell to the future we never got a chance to have. It wasn’t anything romantic, it was closure.”

My anger simmers beneath the surface as I struggle to process his words. Slowly, I release the breath I've been holding, and my tense shoulders relax. The weight of my suspicions and doubts begins to lift, replaced by a sense of understanding and acceptance. “I don’t think Jeyla is capable of ever loving anyone the way she loves you, Dean.”

My heart should rejoice, but instead it pinches painfully in my chest. “I used to believe that and honestly it’s what kept me going,” I admit, taking a step back from him and rub the back of my head. “But you’re right, Oz, I don’t deserve her, I never have. All I’ve ever done is wreck her and break every promise I have ever made her. I promised her a happy life and look at us. If Jeyla and I are truly meant to be together, it wouldn’t be this hard, right? We would be happy together. Our lives wouldn’t be such a mess.” Oz watches me pace back and forth, his face unreadable. “Maybe this is the universe's way of screaming at me to let her go,” I continue, my words tumbling out in an anxious rush. “And I've been ignoring it because I'm a selfish prick. Fuck, I've always been selfish when it comes to her. But not you, Oz. You've always put her happiness first, before everything else. That's the kind of man she deserves. Someone who will love her selflessly?—”

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