Page 39 of When We Collide

Of course. The nickname fits him perfectly. This is the man who defied all odds and got me pregnant when doctors said it was impossible. He truly lives up to his name in every sense of the word. Tilting my head I study him for a long moment, and he returns the gaze—unflinching—before shifting his attention to his hands. Fingers trace over an old, scabbed wound.

“Well, I can certainly attest to the fact that you do not indeed miss.” Dean picks up on my expressive tone as he lays on his back and flashes me a roguish smile.

There’s a long suffocating pause that lingers between us. I feel like I’m getting whiplash with all the change of emotions flying around. Sighing, I mimic his action and lay down beside him, so our heads are side by side, but our bodies are facing opposite directions. The rain continues to beat down on the steel ceiling, the sound soothing as I stare up thoughtfully. “So, what happens now?” I ask.

“We wait for the green light, and I go and get our son.”

My eyes flutter shut as a heavy weight suddenly presses down on my chest, making it nearly impossible to draw a full breath. Relief floods through me that DJ is safe and soon in my arms again, but at the same time, fear claws at my insides at the thought of what Dean is about to face and losing him all over again.

Unspoken words lay heavy on my tongue, threatening to spill out in a bad case of verbal diarrhoea. Deep down I know I can't keep them locked inside any longer. Not when I’m faced against the possibility of never seeing him again if this operation goes sideways.

This could be our last chance to truly speak our hearts to each other. I bite down on my lip to keep the tears I can feel coming at bay. “I’m sorry for the hurtful things I said to you earlier.” I apologise and wait for him to say something, but he remains quiet. “You may not have been there for DJ, but that doesn't diminish your role as his father. You are and always will be his father in every way that matters. I was blinded by my fear of losing him and lashed out at you. But you didn't deserve that—not when you've sacrificed and continue to sacrifice everything to protect us.” A lump forms in my throat as I speak, my voice trembling with the emotions I’m fighting to keep back.

“I didn't mean it when I said you should have stayed dead. How could I when all I prayed for every night was to have you back… even if it was for a minute.”

I hear Dean heave a heavy sigh beside me, his voice thick with emotion. “You don’t have to apologise to me, JJ. Your feelings are completely justified.” I can feel the weight of his words and his guilt hanging in the air between us. “When I asked you to marry me, I made a promise to spend every waking moment making you happy and I failed to keep that promise… I failed you.” The sadness in his voice is evident, and my heart breaks for him. “All I’ve done is cause you an immeasurable amount of pain and put you, our son, and my family in great danger. Every word you said, you were right.” He takes a deep breath before continuing, “I should have stayed dead and allowed you to move on and done everything in my power to keep you all out of this mess.” Tears well up in my eyes as he acknowledges my pain and regret fills his voice. “At the time I thought I was doing the right thing. I convinced myself that I was doing it to protect you, but thinking back now I was just being selfish.”

I want to turn my head so I can see him, but something inside me tells me to keep still and let him talk. “I saw an opportunity to step back into my old life. An opportunity to see you and DJ and I took it without considering the ramifications.” I close my eyes and try to picture a future without Dean, and it fills me with such pain. “If I had just stayed away and left you all to believe I was dead none of this would have happened.” He continues on. “So, if anyone needs to apologise here it’s me.”

His vulnerability breaks through any anger or resentment I’ve been holding onto. Tears roll down the side of my face as he speaks. “I’m truly sorry for everything, and most importantly for not being the husband you deserved.” Fuck, his words cut me deep. Every word is a painful reminder of all that we've been through and all that we still have left to endure. I know he means every word, and of course, my heart is ready to forget all the suffering and is jumping at the chance to forgive him. “I want you to know that I am going to do everything I can to make this right, JJ.”

Gently shaking my head, I sit up and spin around to face Dean. My mind is reeling with conflicting emotions as I look into his intense gaze. “But at what cost, Dean?” I ask, my voice trembling. He sits up as well, turning to fully face me. The moonlight casts a soft glow on his features, highlighting the worry lines that crease his forehead. “You're going to risk everything to save DJ and bring him home safely,” I continue, my heart aching at the thought of losing either of them. “But what happens to you? Will I still lose you in the end?” Tears gather in my eyes, threatening to spill over. Without hesitation, Dean draws closer and presses his forehead against mine. His thumb tenderly brushes away the tears that trickle down my cheeks. “No matter the outcome, I will still lose,” I whisper sadly,feeling the weight of our fragile situation bearing down on us both. “Can you promise me that you’ll come home?”

“JJ, you know I can’t do that, baby girl,” he whispers back, his lips a breath away from mine. “But I can promise that I will fight like hell to come back home.” Dean offers a faint smile and gently drags the pad of his thumb across my lower lip. I search his eyes and despite his best effort to reassure me, I can see the hopelessness embedded deep in his eyes. “In any case, I need you to be prepared for the worst, all right?”

I shake my head, my lips quivering. “Dean, don’t say that…”

“JJ,” Dean sighs, his voice heavy as he presses his forehead to mine again and closes his eyes to conceal the tears gathering in them. “This could either go in our favour and we get the son of a bitch once and for all, or it could be a set-up and blow up in our faces. Either way it’s going to end, and our plan will make sure that you and DJ will both be safe, okay?”

I don’t like the sound of this. The defeated tone of his voice and the sorrowful look in his eyes makes my stomach clench painfully. There’s something he’s not telling me. I can feel it.

“Dean—” My words are swallowed when Dean leans in and presses his lips to mine, silencing me. The kiss starts slow with his tongue trailing along my bottom lip and nipping gently as if requesting permission, which I grant by parting my lips and greeting his tongue with my own.

Kissing him feels so familiar, it feels like coming home. Dean and I have always been good at fuelling each other's fire and the kiss quickly becomes more urgent and fierier. Every hair on my body stands on end when his lips brush mine. That familiar spark between us grows with every brush of our tongues,sending my mind into a state of chaos. There is no containing the moan that slips past my lips when his fingers tangle in my hair and he deepens the kiss further.

As our bodies fuse together, I feel myself unravelling and melting into him. The protective barrier around my heart crumbles, brick by brick, as I allow him to consume me. In this moment, I push away the thoughts of the mess we're in and sink into the warmth and comfort of his embrace. The spicy scent of his cologne fills my senses, mixing with the sweet smell of fresh rain that surrounds us.

There's something about this man that captivates me in a way I can't explain. He holds an inexplicable power over me, one that has me pleading to any higher being to not let this be our final kiss.

Despite everything, I am still hopelessly and irrevocably in love with you, Dean Reyes so you can’t leave me. I refuse to believe that our story ends here, like this. It can’t. I won’t let it.

To my dismay, the kiss comes to an end with a feather-light brush of his lips over mine. Dean pulls away, his forehead pressing against mine as we both struggle for breath. Our chests rise and fall rapidly, mirroring the intensity of our emotions. In that moment, nothing else exists except for the two of us, lost in each other's embrace.

Dean takes my hand—which had been resting at the nape of his neck—and presses it to his chest. I can feel his heart racing beneath my palm, a steady drumbeat of love.

“Twenty years and you still make my heart race like the first day I met you,” He avows while gazing lovingly into my eyes.

“And you still infuriate me like the first day I met you,” I reply and smile when he chortles and leans in closer, his lips a hair away from mine.

“Is that right? Go on, whisper just how much you hate me, baby.”

My heart pinches inside my chest.

I close my eyes and lick my lips before speaking.

“Ah ah, you know the rules, eyes open always.”

Our gazes lock in a heated battle, full of love and desire. “I despise you with every fibre of my being, Dean Reyes.”

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