Page 45 of When We Collide

“I don’t want to lose you again, Dean. How am I supposed to watch you go knowing you’re not going to make it back?”

Dean’s fingers brush against my damp cheek, wiping away the tears as they fall. “Hey, what have we always said before I left for deployment?”

I shake my head, sobbing. “Dean…”

“What have we said, JJ?”

“There are no goodbyes for us,” I whimper brokenly.

Dean presses his forehead to mine and bites his lip as he lifts my hand and presses it against his chest. “That’s right. Your love has always been the light and strength I’ve needed to find my way home and this time is no different.”

“How can you say that? Of course, it’s different.” I argue back. “This time I’m sending you off knowing that there’s a ninety nine percent chance you’re not coming back.”

Dean smiles faintly. “One percent is still a chance, right? Maybe we’ll get lucky.” When I give him a tear-filled look he nods. “I mean, with our track record that doesn’t look very likely, but where there is hope, there’s faith, and where there is faith, miracles happen. Just look at how we conceived DJ. He’s living proof that miracles exist,” he adds brushing his fingers through my hair and pulling it away from my face.

My gaze lingers on the glinting silver dog tags draped around his neck, each one bearing the name and information of my soldier. My own chain hangs heavily around my neck, adorned with his wedding ring. With trembling hands, I unfasten the chain around Dean’s neck, remove my wedding band from my finger and slide it onto the chain before fastening it around Dean's neck again. His brow furrows in confusion as he looks down at my ring hanging from his necklace.

“A reminder,” I whisper, my throat tight with emotion, “of what's waiting for you at home if there's ever a moment you feel like giving up.” The weight of tears threatens to spill down my cheeks as I continue, “If hope is all we have left, then I'm pouring every bit of it into this.”

Dean's gaze meets mine, his eyes shining with unshed tears. “I don't need a reminder, JJ,” he says softly, reaching up to cup my face in his hands. “You are my hope. You are everything that keeps me going. You always have been.” His words wrap around my heart like a warm embrace, filling me with love and determination to keep fighting for a future together. Even if the universe is adamant on keeping us apart. Dean and DJ are two halves of my heart. I won’t just sit around and wait while their lives are in danger. If I wind up losing them both, there will be nothing left for me to live on for anyway.

I’m sorry, Dean, I know you’re going to be raging mad, but where my heart goes… I follow.

I urgently needto devise a plan, and I need to do so quickly.

My stalwart husband, if we could even still be considered married, adamantly refuses to let me go along with him on this mission to save our son. I mean, I get his reluctance and I can't really blame him either. I’m not an idiot.

Yes, I know I have absolutely no business going on a military operation, and this is probably up there as the worst idea I have ever had. However, as a woman who is facing the possibility of losing the two people that she loves the most in the world, you would also be considering climbing into the trunk of his truck to sneak on the operation.

Dean and I have a long-standing promise to each other thatthere are no goodbyes for us, and our talk of holding on to hope earlier in the hangar was a silent agreement to reaffirm that promise, but right now, I'm not sure how I feel about that decision.

What if I never see him again?

I just can't simply sit back and leave my chances to the whims of fate, for she is a merciless bitch who seems to have a personal vendetta against me. As I chew my lip in anxious contemplation, I pace the room feverishly, searching for any possible way to join this operation without breaking laws or risking the lives of the team or Dean and DJ.

My mind races with desperate ideas as I curse under my breath. What if I go above Dean's authority and plead with the Chief of Air? Could I possibly persuade him to allow me to observe from the safety of the truck or the comms van? Is that even what it's called when a covert intelligence team operates from an unmarked vehicle during a mission?

No, there is no way he would go for it. The liability alone is too great. Even if I did manage to convince him, Dean would do everything in his power to make sure I get shipped off to that pesky safehouse he’s adamant I go to.

Come on Jeyla, think!

Do I just risk it and sneak into the truck when no one is looking? What if I suffocate in there though? That is literally my greatest fear… death by suffocation. How long can a person breathe in the trunk of a car? Mere hours? A couple of days?

Ugh, Jeezus, I’m going to lose my mind. What do I do?

Dean is off somewhere on the airbase preparing for the operation and they’re due to have a final brief before setting off.

A sleek, black car sits idling in front of me, ready to whisk me away to the safehouse once they depart. Dean believes I'll be joining them, but I've made up my mind, I will not get into that car. Dean will surely be furious with me, but at this point, I've lost too much and have nothing left to lose. If we somehow manage to survive this ordeal unscathed, I'll gladly lay my head on the chopping block for whatever punishment comes my way. My body is weary and my spirit exhausted from the constant battles and losses in my short time on this earth. It's time for a change, even if it means defying orders and facing the fiery fury of Dean Reyes.

I overheard enough of Dean’s hurried phone conversation with one of the other officers to piece together their departure time.Eighteen hundred hours. Glancing at my watch, I see that it's now five forty-eight in the afternoon, giving me less than fifteen minutes to figure out which car I'm going to sneak into. A wave of determination swarms my body starting from my toes as I quietly slip out of Dean's bunker and make my way outside.

The air is thick and humid, making it hard to catch my breath as I survey the area for any potential escape routes. Before fully committing to my plan, I take a quick detour to empty my bladder and grab a small bottle of water from the canteen, preparing for the possibility of being trapped in a trunk for an undetermined amount of time.

You know, it's not the fear of dying that grips me—it's the thought of leaving DJ behind without a mother. The idea alone has my blood running ice cold and my feet halting mid-step. My mind screams at me with every step I force myself to take to stop being reckless and turn back for the sake of my son… but I can’tdo it. The fear of losing them both urges me forward until I find myself outside.

The cool late afternoon air is heavy with tension as Dean and his squadron move quietly through the airbase. From the shadows near the barracks, I watch Dean approach the squadron’s vehicles, my heart pounding. The black SUV they’ll be using is parked near the hangar, the trunk still open as the ground crew loads the last of the gear. Keeping to the wall, I creep closer, my pulse quickening with each step.

Dean is busy conferring with his commanding officer—what’s his name—a few yards away, his voice low and serious. This is my chance. I say a silent prayer as I slip silently across the asphalt on my tiptoes, I crouch low and slide into the trunk, pressing myself against the cool metal frame. My breath comes in shallow, careful inhales as I tuck my body tightly around the equipment and pull a thick, black tarp over me for cover. The familiar scent of fuel and engine oil fills my nostrils making my stomach turn and grounding me in the reality of what I’m doing.

---