Page 47 of When We Collide

“Stop talking!” Dean barks, glowering at me, his green eyes spitting fire in my direction. “Have you lost your fucking mind, JJ?!” Dean shouts angrily and walks over to take hold of my face and stares into my eyes. “When are you going to stop sacrificing yourself, huh?!”

My hands lift and they curl around his wrists while I gaze up at him. “Never, all right. I wil never stop. And are you really asking me this when you’re about to go off and get yourself killed to protect me, Dean?”

The veins on Dean's forehead bulge as his eyes blaze with fury. His voice booms like a thunderclap, reverberating through the air. “Jesus, give me fucking strength!” he yells at me, his anger exuding off him in waves. I've seen him angry many times before, but this is a whole new level of intensity.

His words pierce through me, reminding me of how stupid my actions were. But even in his rage, there’s a hint of desperation and fear. He grabs my shoulders tightly, his fingers digging into my skin. “Of course I'm going to protect you,” he grits out, his jaw throbbing. “And I will fucking die doing it if I have to. But you...you don't get to die, alright? Not like this. You have too much to live for. Oursonneeds you!"

Behind that blinding anger I can see the love and concern in his eyes, and it fills me with a sense of warmth and reassurance.

“AndIneedyou,Dean!” I shout back, my hands fisting the jacket to his uniform.

Dean shakes his head and steps away from me, his hands fisting and unfisting by his sides.“Do you have any idea how reckless and dangerous your little stunt was? What were you thinking? You could have suffocated to death in there if they hadn’t caught you on camera. How could you be so stupid?!” Dean bellows, slamming his hand on the side of the SUV in a rage.

“I—”

“Don’t say a fucking word.” His voice booms with anger, cutting me off mid-sentence. “Not only did you recklessly endanger your own life, but you've also compromised the entire operation, Jeyla. What on earth possessed you to sneak onto a highly sensitive military mission?”

My heart races as I scramble to find the right words to explain myself, but Dean's intense glare and furrowed brows make me feel like my brain is about to explode. He’s seething with anger, his flared nostrils threatening to release steam like a cartoon character.

“If you let me bloody speak, I’ll explain,” I stammer, trying to calm his fury.

“Explain what exactly?” Dean hisses, his tone dripping with venom. “What reason could possibly justify your reckless actions, Jeyla? This is not some light-hearted romcom movie or a scenario in one of your damn books, this is real life! You committed a fucking crime; you could go to jail and not even I can save you. Do you understand that?”

I shrug as I slip off the car to stretch my legs once I get the feeling back in them. “Yes, I understand. This was my choice, my risk, and I’m ready to face the consequences—whatever they might be.”

Dean turns his gaze heavenward and lets out a string of colourful curses. “Fucking hell! I don’t think you’re getting the gravity of the situation here, Jeyla,” Dean asserts, moving over to me again. “I told you that you can’t come with me. Why don’t you ever just listen for fuck’s sake?”

“Why? Because I love you, you idiot!” I shout back. “Because I can’t stand the thought of something happening to you or DJ and not being there. You can’t look me in the eyes and tell me you’re going off to fucking die and expect me to just shrug and wave you off. Of course, I’m going to be here. It’s where I belong, by your side, always, and if the roles were reversed you would do the same. And as long as I’m here you’ll have no choice but to stay alive to protect me.” I tell him all in one breath and hestares back at me, the anger in his eyes simmering a little. “Can you look me in the eyes right now and tell me you wouldn’t have done the same for me?”

“Yes, I would, but this situation is entirely different, Jeyla,” Dean says, his voice taut with frustration. “You’re a civilian, and while I know you have the best intentions, your being here only adds to the danger—for both of us and for DJ. If you had gone to the safehouse as I instructed, I’d have a better shot at getting through this and rescuing our son. But with you here, I’m forced to split my focus between keeping you safe and completing my mission. You’re not helping the situation—you’re making it more dangerous. I need to concentrate on what I have to do, and I can’t do that with you here. As soon as we reach the mission base, I’m arranging for you to go back home.”

His words cut deep, and I can feel the sting of tears welling up, but I force myself to stand my ground. “No, Dean. We’ve come this far together. I’ll stay at the base, but I’m not going home.”

“Jeyla, this isn’t up for debate,” he snaps, his patience fraying at the edges. “You’re going home. It’s the safest place for you.”

“Who’s debating?” I fire back, my voice rising with defiance. “I’m not going. End of discussion.”

“Yes, you are!” Dean’s voice sharpens as he points to the line of SUVs idling nearby, the men inside waiting for his orders. “This isn’t just about us, Jeyla. Look at those men. They’re my responsibility. Just like me, they have wives, girlfriends, and families counting on me to bring them back safely. Every single one of them. I can’t afford to be distracted by worrying about you being in harm’s way. I won’t put you, DJ, or any of them at risk. Do you understand?”

I take a step forward, my heart pounding with a mix of anger and fear, scowling up at him. “And what about your family, Dean? What about the wife you left shattered the last time you ran off on a mission? What about your son who needs his father?”

Dean’s face tightens, the lines around his eyes deepening as he steps closer, his presence almost overwhelming. He reaches out, cupping my face in his hands, forcing me to meet his gaze. His touch is warm but firm, his thumbs gently brushing away the tears that have started to spill over.

“Listen to me,” he says, his voice low but intense, his eyes searching mine. “We won’t have a son if we keep wasting time like this. Every second we argue is a second lost in finding DJ. We have a narrow window to get him back, and it’s closing fast. I need to know that you’re safe so I can do what needs to be done. I can’t afford to lose focus; not now, not with so much at stake.”

Tears blur my vision, but I refuse to break eye contact, searching his face for any sign of doubt, any crack in his resolve. “Dean, I can’t just sit back and do nothing,” I whisper, my voice trembling with the weight of my fear and desperation. “I need to be here with you. I need to know what’s happening. I can’t bear the thought of being miles away, not knowing if you’re okay, not knowing if DJ is safe.”

His expression softens, and for a moment, I see the pain in his eyes, the struggle between his duty and his love for me. He leans his forehead against mine, his breath warm against my skin as he closes his eyes, as if trying to gather his strength.

“I get it,” he murmurs, his voice barely audible. “I get why you did this. But you have to trust me, Jeyla. You have to trust that I’m doing everything in my power to bring our son back. I needyou to be safe so I can focus on getting DJ home. Please, just let me do my job.”

I close my eyes, leaning into his touch, feeling the warmth of his hands against my cheeks, the steady beat of his heart as he pulls me closer. “Okay,” I whisper, my voice cracking with the weight of my emotions. “I’ll stay out of your way, but please don’t send me away, let me stay close by so I know what’s happening.”

Dean lets out a breath he seems to have been holding, his hands tightening slightly on my face before he pulls back just enough to look at me again. “All right. I’ll see what I can do,” he says softly, his eyes full of a mixture of relief and regret. “I promise, I’ll bring him back and do everything possible to come back to you. But right now, we need to move and arrange for you to be somewhere safe.”

I nod, swallowing hard as I blink back the tears. As he steps back, his hands dropping to his sides, I can see the shift in him; the way his focus sharpens as he turns back to the task at hand. The soldier in him takes over, pushing aside the husband and father, and I can’t help but feel a pang of fear at the thought of the threat that lies ahead.

As we start walking towards the SUVs, I fall into step beside him, my heart heavy with the knowledge that this might be the last time I see him before he disappears into the unknown. But I push that thought aside, holding onto the hope that he’ll come back to me, that we’ll find DJ, that our family will be whole again.

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