Page 9 of When We Collide

“Jey…”

“Oskie, I’m a terrible mother.” I wept, looking up at him helplessly.

“Jeyla, no,” he frowned, pushing the door open and walking into the nursery. “Of course you’re not, you’re an incredible mother.”

“No, I’m not.” I shook my head and lowered my gaze to the screaming baby in my arms. “I can’t even soothe my own baby. He’s been screaming for hours, I don’t know what to do, I don’t know what he wants. I should know what he needs, I’m supposed to be his mother and I don’t how to make him stop. I have no bond with him. My own baby hates me. I can’t do this, Oskie, I can’t!”

“Jeyla, listen to me,” Oscar kneeled down in front of me and cupped my face in his hands, wiping away my tears with his thumb as he looked into my eyes. “You are an incredible woman and amazing mother. Don’t you ever question that, and your son does not hate you. He is just having a tough time right now, you both are, but it’s going to get better. You need to be patient. We will figure this out together. Here, give him to me. I have an idea, go get your shoes on and meet me at the car.”

I was at my wits end, ready to tear my hair out when he gently took DJ from my aching arms and grabbed a blanket for DJ before walking out.

In that moment I didn’t question it. Mentally drained and physically exhausted I did as I was told and I am eternally thankful that I did. The moment we strapped DJ in the car seat and the Lexus’ engine roared to life and we started driving, his screams subsided and eventually he stopped crying and within minutes fell asleep.

Turns out the sound of the engine and the movement of the car soothed him. Which I didn’t find the least bit surprising, I mean he is Dean’s child after all. Thus, that became our nightly routine for a couple of weeks. Oscar and I would take him out for a drive for an hour at night or at least long enough for him to fall into a deep sleep, and put him to bed. Eventually we found playing the sound of an engine through our phones was enough to get him down for the night.

“Jey, we need more burger buns.”Ashlyn calls out to me as I frantically warm breastmilk in a bottle, trying to soothe a hungry and fussy DJ in my other arm. It's Oscar's thirtieth birthday and we're throwing him a small party at our house with close family and friends. He didn't want a big celebration, so we opted for a simple BBQ as the weather warmed up for spring.

“Uh, there should be some in the blue bag over on the counter.” I answer as DJ whimpers and rubs his tired eyes, making mefeel guilty for not getting his bottle ready sooner. “I know, baby, I know,” I whisper as I hurriedly hold the bottle under hot water to warm it up. “Just a few more minutes.”

“Here, let me take him.” My arms ache from holding DJ for so long, his warm and squishy body pressing against mine. Ashlyn's gentle touch on my shoulder as she takes DJ from me, is a welcome relief. She plants a kiss on his head of dark hair and coos, “Come to Aunty Ash, my sweet prince.” She rocks him gently in her arms while I finish preparing his bottle.

Just like his father, DJ can't stand waiting for food. Once those hunger bells ring, you must feed him, or he’ll become crabby… especially if he’s over tired.

As I hand Ashlyn the bottle, I take a moment to look around at the backyard transformed into a lively party scene. Music plays in the background. The warm spring air carries the scent of sizzling burgers and laughter, and colourful decorations adorn every corner. In the distance, children run around playing games while adults mingle and catch up with each other.

Despite the chaos that comes with hosting a party, I can't help but feel grateful for this moment with my family and friends gathered together. And I know Oscar will appreciate it too—even if he did insist on keeping things low-key for his milestone birthday.

“You pour yourself a glass of wine and go and relax. You’ve been rushing around all morning. I haven’t even seen you eat anything, Jey. I’ll put DJ down for his nap. Go on, shoo.”

I smile gratefully at Ashlyn and nod as she walks off in the direction of the stairs. “Don’t forget to turn on the?—”

“Baby monitor, I know!”

Chuckling, I make my way to the back garden. My stomach grumbling at the smell of burgers and sausages cooking on the BBQ that hits me as soon as I step outside. I am famished indeed. Oscar, Shane, my sister’s fiancé Ben, and my brother Jaden are manning the BBQ while our parents stand around conversing animatedly about something with Oscar’s Aunt and Uncle.

“There you are,” My sister Jess gracefully glides over to me, her long golden hair swaying behind her like a curtain. In her hands, she carries two delicately chilled glasses of rose wine and passes one off to me with a playful wink. “I forbid you to leave my side. I forgot how much Lottie loves to talk. Jeezus she’s been chewing my ear off for over an hour.” She complains with a snigger and takes a dainty sip from her glass. Lottie is Oscar and Ashlyn’s cousin, and my sister isn’t exaggerating. God truly has blessed that girl with the gift of gab.

I chuckle into my glass, enjoying the crisp taste of the wine as I go to take a sip. “I know, she caught me in the kitchen forty minutes ago. I had to come up with some excuse and make a run for it. Spent ten minutes hiding in the bathroom just to escape her rambling.” I share with a smirk, raising my eyebrows towards our older brother who now seems to be Lottie's next target. Jessica snorts a laugh at the look of boredom on his face as he feigns interest in whatever story she's telling him.

“Oh God, rather him than me. I mean, the woman has a story about everything. Bloody hell, she’s only thirty-two, you would think she’s lived a century with the number of stories she has to tell.” I almost choke on my sip of wine at her remark.

“Stop it,” I laugh amusedly. “Bless her heart, she talks a lot, but she is harmless.”

As my sister continues to chatter on about her upcoming wedding plans, I find myself unable to focus on the conversation. My gaze drifts over to Oscar, who stands across the patio with the other guys. His easy laughter carries through the air, drawing my attention like a magnet. Suddenly, as if sensing my eyes on him, he turns and meets my gaze, flashing me a dazzling smile as he takes a sip from his bottle of Corona.

“Oi,” my sister pokes my ribs with her finger, pulling me back to the present. I look at her expectantly, but she just smiles knowingly at me.

“What?”

“What was that?” she asks, nodding her head towards Oscar.

I furrow my brow in confusion, not sure what she's getting at. “What... waswhat?”

Jessica shakes her head in disbelief and gestures towards Oscar once again. “That little interaction between you and Oz.”

My heart starts racing as I realize what she's talking about. I try to play it cool and feign ignorance. “What interaction?”

Her eyes narrow and she gives me a pointed look. “Don't play dumb, Jey. I saw that meaningful look and smile he just gave you.”

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