Page 23 of Until Presley

I look right at him. “Ham, I just don’t feel right. I spent days at your house with you, your mom, and her nurse. I’m not used to being around people all the time, and I got used to it. I think I’m just lonely. I don’t want you to think I’m clingy or needy… I’m just scared.” The last part slips out barely above a whisper.

Ham stands up, and I watch as he glances around and walks toward his room. “I’m on my way, baby. You’re never clingy or needy. Well, not needy like this.” He chuckles at the last part, and I feel my cheeks blush instantly.

“No. Stop, Ham,” I say. He does and turns to focus on me before shifting his attention back on his packing. “I like that you want to be here for me, but I need to do this. Just talk to me. Be there for me that way.”

His shoulders drop, and my heart clenches in a way I’ve never felt before. He’s disappointed. Not in me, but in not being with me. I love that.

My heartbeat quickens. Love?

I don’t love him.

I can’t.

“Sprite? What’s going on? You look panicked.”

I swallow hard and moisten my dry lips. Then I answer him as best as I can without giving too much of myself away. “I’m fine. I just realized how much it hurt me that I disappointed you. It’s a little disconcerting for me. I’ve never felt like this before.”

“I know, baby. I’ve never felt like this either. I want to be there with you. I want to make you feel safe and secure. How about I give you tonight, and tomorrow, you come over to spend the night? We can go on a date the day after.”

“How about the day after, you pick me up from here, and we’ll go on a date?” I smile at him, knowing exactly what he’s doing. Trying to talk me into staying with him. I can’t let him get too close, though. I know he’ll break my resolve… and my heart.

“I’ll give you that for now.”

He sits on the bed, leaning back against the pillows we slept on together, and I feel my eyes getting heavy.

“You fall asleep, baby. I’ll hang up after you go to sleep.”

“Okay.”

We continue talking, getting to know each other more by playing twenty questions. Eventually, I fall asleep to the sound of his deep voice, feeling a bit better than before I called him.

Ibend at the waist, brushing my hair out before flipping it up and watching the loose waves fall around my shoulders. Looking at myself in the mirror, I notice how pale I am. I know it’s not from lack of sun, but from the funeral I’m about to attend. I slip on my black pumps and grab my lightweight leather jacket to make the black sleeveless bodycon dress look less like something I’d wear to a club. It’s the only black dress I own. I didn’t want to spend money on one I’d only wear once.

I grab my sunglasses off the table by the door and slip them on, knowing Ham will be here any minute. True to his word, he talked to me until I fell asleep last night, then called me first thing this morning. He wanted to come over, but I’ve kept him away, not wanting to be that girl. As I open the door, his Jeep pulls into the driveway, and I can’t help but smile at him as he steps out.

Sliding my glasses down my nose, I take in Ham in all his glory. I can’t believe this man wants me. He’s wearing blackslacks that fit his muscular frame perfectly. His black button-down shirt is tucked in, showing off the silver buckle on his belt. The black jacket hugs his large body seamlessly. His shirt is open at the collar, exposing just a hint of his chest. His hair is combed back, the curls that normally fall onto his forehead now neatly swept away. I want to mess him up to keep other women from looking at him the way I do, thinking the things I want to do to him right now.

“Damn, sprite, you look too sexy for a funeral.”

“Thank you, handsome. I think you look too good too.”

He pulls me into his body and pushes my glasses up to the top of my head before leaning down and kissing me deeply. My toes curl in my shoes, and I want to pop my leg—it’s that good. He pulls back and just stares at me for a moment.

“Let’s go before I say fuck it and drag you back to bed.”

“Come on.”

We stand at the water’s edge at the small ceremony. Leah wasn’t very religious, so Alan is speaking instead. He shares stories from their childhood and talks about what he had expected for her future. He’s asked me to speak too, and I’m nervous, but I owe her this.

When Alan finishes, Ham squeezes my hand, and I smile up at him before heading to stand before the group. Another hand touches my arm, and I turn to smile at Hanna, Walker, and Otto, who all showed up to support me during this difficult time. I move around them and walk up to Alan. After a quick hug, I take a few calming breaths before focusing on everyone. For a moment, I take in the small crowd. I’m surprised to seeProfessor Blackman. It’s a four-hour drive from Miami, and I didn’t know he knew Leah. But I don’t dwell on it.

I clear my throat. “Leah wasn’t only a fellow researcher, she was one of my best friends. We’d commiserate over projects, families, and even guys.” I glance at Ham, a smile pulling at my lips as I remember her advice about him. “We both looked forward to working alongside each other for years to come.” The tears start to fall, and Alan steps closer to rub my back in support. I look at Ham again, needing to draw some of his strength right now.

He mouths, “You got this.”

I nod and continue.

“The first time I met her was at orientation for my master’s program. She was there for the same reason. A student from my Miami days had been harassing me about being so young, and Leah stood up to him. She told him one day I’d be his boss if he wasn’t careful. She helped me come out of my shell, and together, we pushed ourselves to complete our degree in two years instead of three. It became a challenge we set for each other. I’ll forever miss her.” I finish speaking and walk back to Ham, who wraps his arm around me. I lean into his body, soaking up his comfort.

---