Page 106 of Lady Sings the Blues

31.

Elise

“Rise and shine…” Grumbles in my ear. For a second, with the warmth at my back I can almost imagine the voice belonging to Beau, the warmth belonging to Beau, but it’s only one second past that second to send me careening straight into my fucked up reality. And yes, no other way to describe it. “Up,” he says again, pressing his lips against my jaw.

“I have to pee,” I tell him, bringing my bound wrists up to my face to scratch my nose. Problem being he thinks I’m trying to remove my blindfold, slapping my hand away.

“Not yet!” Bursts from his mouth.

I feel his heat ratchet up by a gazillion degrees and his muscles go taut in that arm he slaps my hand with. Then because I’ve ticked him off, he rolls me to my back and climbs on top of me wrestling his thighs between my locked knees.

“Time to have a little fun.”

This would be how I end up with a Bedlam Horde named Houdini kissing wet kisses down the dip of my throat. And how I end up with a Bedlam Horde named Houdini rubbing his calloused fingers all over my breasts, over my white, lacy bra. And finally, how I end up with a Bedlam Horde named Houdini grinding his thankfully boxer brief covered crotch against mine.

Before my brain catches up with my mouth, my mouth whispers against his hair, “I can’t.”

He stills. Rolls off me. Inconceivable, yet him rolling off me gives me hope that he can be reasonable. Yeah, no. Not a Bedlam Horde named Houdini.

“See we’re gonna have to have our talk first. Coulda gone down differently, but what did I expect from the Hollister whore?”

I gasp at his crude comment, I guess because I’m not fully awake yet. A crude comment is the least I should expect. He roughly grabs my hand in a way more attuned to what I should expect from him, and yanks me up to a seated position, twisting my legs so my feet hit the floor.

“Why are you doing this?” I finally pluck up the courage to ask, but do it knowing how I take my life in my hands.

“Why do you think?”

“My guess, Logan slept with your girl or maybe your sister, and you’re taking revenge on Beau because they used to be close. If that’s the case, I gotta tell you, they drifted apart years ago.”

“Drifted apart my ass,” he grumbles low as he runs his thumb along the apple of my cheek, sounding lost in thought until abruptly with the scary gruff to his voice back he barks, “Alright sweetheart, this how you wanna play it, we’ll play it your way.”

I really don’t want to play. So I tell him. “I don’t want to play.”

“Yeah you do.” He laughs through his nose. “My move.”

The wordmovehardly leaves his lips before the dirty bandana that’s been covering my eyes since yesterday is ripped from my face. It takes about seven blinks before the black splotches disappear only to have me stare right into a pair of brown eyes I’d recognize anywhere. Brown eyes which used to look on me with warmth now hardened in an unnatural way. Oh, but I remember the hardened brown, too. The last time I looked into those eyes they held the same unnatural hardening. I don’t…I don’t understand.

“Lo?” I scramble back from him until my shoulder hits the headboard. “H-how is this possible?” Tears prick the corners of my eyes, for a brief second because it’s Lo, and he’s alive. Then my brain catches up, and the tears aren’t for Lo any longer. “You died. You killed yourself. I don’t…how is this possible?” I ask again. Shame and fear, and disgust with myself for ever having loved this man, replace any softness I would have shown him.

“Makes me sick, you layin’ with him,” he says, while running his fingertip down the length of my arm.

Not thinking nor caring that I’m about to piss him off, I goad him, because what do I care at this point? I’m dead anyway. “You cheated on me Logan, not the other way around. I never che—”

“Bullshit,” he cuts off. “Think I’m stupid? I saw you ride off with him, remember?”

“We just went for a ride. I slept withyouafter homecoming.”

It’s like he didn’t hear a word I said. He lunges at me, grabbing my throat and squeezes to just short of choking me.

“I wouldn’t’ve needed those women if you woulda kept your legs closed. Just kept your legs closed, Elise. That’s all you had to do. You were mine.”

Now his fingers squeeze to just over choking. Not enough to make me pass out, but definitely enough to hurt.

“How is this possible?” I croak, my voice breaks partly from the fear of his hands around my throat, and partly from not pulling in enough breath.

“Mine,” he grumbles.

“How is this possible?” I croak, louder.

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