Page 75 of Lady Sings the Blues

I don’t know how to answer her, and it makes me even more pissed off. We take off walking back inside the compound, my arm around Elise as we move through the common back to our room. I kick my boots off and drop my jeans using only one hand, because I refuse to let go of her. Then I climb back in bed, and tug to bring her down on top of me.

Carefully, I rip my tee up over my head and peel away the one she’s wearing until we’re skin to skin, and tuck the blankets around us like a cocoon. No barriers between us. I know she’s scared, hell who wouldn’t be?

For a good long while she holds tight onto me, her body trembling. Seems like she trembles for hours, neither of us finding sleep. Now though, she finally begins to settle, and neither of us has spoken in all this time.

It’s time. “I don’t want you goin’ into work today, darlin’. Please don’t argue with me. I know we can’t let this control our lives, but it is for now. Two attacks yesterday. A woman’s dead. Stay here.”

“I’ll stay home. Call Clint, have him stop by to get the key. I don’t want those girls left alone for any reason while they’re setting up.”

“I’m right there with you.” Then I lean down and kiss Elise with everything I have in me. Don’t even try to hold back the emotion. Not today.

With both hands, she rests them against my bare chest, pressin’ her lips harder against mine as I continue to hold her. Not holdin’ back her emotion, either.

“All I ever did was love you, Beau,” she says after she breaks away from my lips. She glides her hand from her tattoo over my heart to hold my cheek in her hand. “And I don’t regret that. Not for one minute. Just…when do I get the chance to really show you? To give you the home you want?”

“One thing you need to remember. As long as I have you and you’re safe. As long as we’re together, Iamhome. You’re my home, Elise. No matter where we end up in the world, you stick by my side, and I’m home. We’ll work on normal, on that weddin’ and babies when all this has settled down. But I’m always home with you, darlin’.”

“Do you think Logan cursed us or something?”

I bark out an easy laugh. “No, I don’t think he’s cursed us. I just think some jackoff is usin’ him against us. Someone knows our history and is takin’ advantage.”

One rap on the door cuts our conversation. It opens and Duke strides in, as I make sure the blankets are tucked securely around my woman. He stops next to the bed. “Heard voices, knew you’re up.”

“Whattaya need?” I question him suspiciously.

“I think we should send Elise away for a few days.”

“No.Absolutelynot.”

“Boss.” He uses his hands to usher a calm down order. “I know you don’t want to, but we’ll send her to the brothers up in Chicago. She was safe there. I already contacted Blood’s sister. Says she’ll be happy to take Elise in. We’ll go secret. The boys are on alert.”

“If she goes, I take her. I’ll borrow Tommy’s Explorer. Have him drive it to the compound. We switch, one of the brothers takes him back to the station, as long as he keeps down so no one sees him leavin’. Don’t want them catchin’ on and comin’ after us.”

“Can do that. But we’ll need you back here. You get the night, then it’s back or he might figure shit out. He knows you wouldn’t be away from Elise.”

“Right.”

Duke walks out then and Elise leans her forehead against the dip of my throat. “I don’t want to leave you,” she says. “I’ll go if you ask me to…but I’m scared to be away from you.” The last part she whispers, tearingmyheart out with each word. I did this. Every bit falls on me because I invaded her life, brought her back to live here, even when she tried so many times to get away. If I’d just have let her be.Shit.

“Don’t.” Her voice drops low, serious, admonishing me. “I know you too well, Beau. We had a rocky start and yes, I was resistant. Not because I didn’t want you, but because of how much I did, and still do. I’m your home? Well guess what? You’re my home, too. You said it yourself, we’re lifers. Don’t take on this guilt. Don’t take away my life, okay? Just…don’t.” Her eyes tear, the wet falling against my chest.

“We’re better together than we are apart, baby girl.” All I have in me to say, as I clear the thickness from my throat feelin’ her sad, hot, tears streak my skin.

Even though I know I should send her away, that she’d be better off to cut ties with me completely, we both know how true my words are. She might be safer, but she’d have no kind of life. Neither would I. Existence. Apart, that’s the best we could hope for. Because it’s all either of us had before. And as selfish as it makes me, I can’t go back to that. Not after gettin’ a glimpse of the promise land.

She relaxes against me, but I’m not through. After taking a few long, cleansing breaths, I do what has to be done. “We’re better together, but Elise, I’m askin’ you to go to Chicago.”

She gasps like I’ve smacked her across the face. So I hurry to continue.

“Not forever, just ‘til we can get a handle on him. I swear if you need me for anything, you call me. But if somethin’ happened to you, just… darlin’ I wouldn’t survive it. And I know how weak I sound tellin’ you. But straight up honesty, losin’ you would send me over an edge there’s no comin’ back from. You understand what I’m sayin’?”

She nods. The hair from top of her head rubs against my throat, assaulting me with the smell of that coconut shampoo she loves to use. Fuck if I don’t feel my gut clench. Fuck if I don’t know if I’m makin’ the right decision sendin’ her away. Because fuck, I got a feelin’ this shit’s gonna last longer than any of us foresee.

“I’ll go to Chicago, Beau.”

“I love you, Elise Manning.”

“Hollister.” She laughs through her tears still streaking down my chest. “Why get used to Manning when in a couple weeks it’ll be Hollister?”

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