Page 35 of Summer of the Boy

“Do you want to do this because Gabe said you should?”

His fists stay closed and he looks at me side-eyed again, “No.”

No.

“It’s what people in love do. We’re in love.”

I can’t help but smile. “Yes. You’re right. It is and we sure as hell are.”

“So do you want to? With me?” he asks, so unsure. How could he be unsure? How could he think I wouldn’t want to?

“Yes,” I whisper back, my insides dissolving into a soft jelly consistency as he stands in front of me looking expectantly for what? For me to make the first move? We should talk it out first. Neither of us have done this before.

Ridley moves to lie down next to me, his legs bent at the knees hanging over the side of the bed, feet resting on the floor. He twists his torso, propping himself up on his elbow so we’re face to face. God, he’s beautiful. A beautiful, beautiful man. I open my mouth to speak but Rid beats me to it.

“I, uh, walked to the store last night,” he says, surprising the hell out of me. “After you brought me home, after my mom fell asleep.”

“The store?” I ask. “What store?”

“You know, the store that sells toys and movies and stuff?”Shit.A sex shop? Ridley walked to a sex shop after I dropped him off at home. “The guy behind the counter hooked me up. Though…” Rid looks away. Pauses and then continues, “I had to tell him the kind of sex I was into so he could help.”

“Babe, you should have waited. I’d have gone with you.”

“I know but I,um, I had to do it by myself. To prove that I could do it. Does that make sense?”

“Makes perfect sense.” Then to let him off the hook I move us to new topic territory, “What did you get?”

He rolls over to the table beside his bed and pulls a bag from the crack between the table and bed. Upturning the bag, a bottle of UltraGlide lube, a box of condoms and a couple of toys fall in between us. Yep. Red, gelled plasticbutt plugs. The package even says curved for prostate stimulation. Rid isn’t messing around. Back at school, with my ex, the sight of these (although his weren’t red) sitting on his bed had me clenched up tight. Nothing getting in there. But here, with Ridley, I’m excited to experience this with him.

“He says we should start with the toys a little first. Then um, move to the next step.”

“Okay. What else did he say?”

Rid bites his lip. “That it’ll probably hurt the first time, but the pain won’t last. That a dollop of this lube goes a long way and that we’ll have to decide who’s on bottom, who’s top, or if we’re willing to switch. He said he’s vers. Short for versatile. That means someone who gives and takes.”

I’m well acquainted with the term, having had a boyfriend for five months last year and hanging with a mostly gay contingent among my friends and classmates. I just wasn’t ready to let that boyfriend show me his versatility. Ridley though? Come and get it, baby.

“Since neither of us has been here before, I think we should try both positions to see what works best for us individually and as a couple,” Rid says, finally.

“Sure. Sounds like a plan. You’ve really given this a lot of thought. I’m proud of you, you know?” And I am, so damn proud of him. I think I’d let Ridley do just about anything right now. His mother continues to treat him like a child, but he’s more adult than almost any adult his age I know. Asking questions when he doesn’t understand something instead of winging it and hoping for the best. Thinking major life decisions through before taking the step. What we’re about to do is a major life decision. Once done, there’s no going back. We’ve done it.

He communicates the way only Ridley can, through his smile. Damn that smile will be the death of me one day. Maybe even today. Hopefully not today. He and I have too much living to do.

We go at each other like any other time we’re messing around. Rid likes us to get naked at the same time. With his OCD tendencies, it’s shirts first, pants second. Underwear third if underwear are worn. That mostly falls on me because Rid likes to go commando depending on the fabric he’s wearing. From there we’re hands and mouths, kissing, stroking, licking, sucking, touching. The difference being, today we don’t stop.

Lubed up fingers progress to lubed up toys. Lubed up toys progress to ecstasy. We take our time getting to know each other’s bodies, and what feels good compared to what feels best. I can hardly wrap my head around being here, doing this with him. All the sensation hitting at once. I’m one giant mass of sensation. The whole process is as beautiful as it is awkward. I mean, I’m sliding part of my body inside him. He’s sliding a part of his body inside me.

God must have a real sense of humor to come up with sex. And now I’m a hundred percent sure porn is fake. I laugh because it feels so damn good, yet we fumble when things get too slick. At first he thinks he’s doing it wrong, but as we move and kiss, I assure him the best way I can that my laugh is because he makes me so happy.

To some up, the toys are a good call, the lube helps but adjustments definitely have to be made—one dollop or two?—because it hurts at first, for the both of us. But the pain doesn’t last long for either of us. The same as for every couple in history, we figure it out.

I make love to my boyfriend.

Not just sex.

You have to bein lovetomake love, and we make love.

If it’s possible to feel closer to another living person, I cannot fathom the logistics of that one. He was already in my heart before he ever entered my body. But the thing is, now he owns it. And although he has a harder time expressing his emotions, I have to believe he feels the same way.

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